上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，欧冠激战正酣，皇马、切尔西纷纷输球，曼城、曼联和利物浦等球队则顺利取胜。周末的联赛，则更是看点多多，数场焦点战无不牵动着全世界球迷的神经。好了，话不多说，让我们赶紧看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

丁丁阿圭罗建功，曼城3-1阿森纳

Cincinati(未知主队球迷)：枪手逼这么紧，也挡不住丁丁的强势插入啊！(Even Arsenal has a close defense they still cannot stop KDB)

Freshsalsadip(阿森纳球迷)：丁丁最后都感到无聊了吧，说不定都在思考晚饭该吃啥呢！(De Bruyne is just bored in the end. Probably thinking what to have for Dinner.)

GoonerJake(阿森纳球迷)：这还没到一月份呢，桑切斯咋就给曼城踢上球了呢？能不能不要再给斯特林传球了….(It's not even january and sanchez is already playing for city? Please don't pass to Sterling again.)

Jackdfcd18(未知主队球迷)：桑切斯这场的表现堪称世界级的，你看他和未来的队友们的配合多好！(World class game from Alexis Sanchez. Loved the way he was linking up with his future teammates.)

Aynrandcap(曼城球迷)：看完这场比赛，我突然就不想买桑切斯了…(I don't want alexis anymore after watching this first half tbh)

Kingsley_Coman(阿森纳球迷)：为什么？他今天可是你们的全场最佳啊！(why? he's been your motm)

Doublemint(曼城球迷)：蓝月出征，寸草不生！(City can destroy everthiing now.)

Gwyn-LordOfPussy(曼城球迷)：虽然赢了，但我觉得回到更衣室，瓜帅应给会比温格更发火吧…(We're winning but I imagine Pep will be angrier in the dressingroom than Wenger.)

Wordsmatter(曼联球迷)：瓜帅应该让斯特林罚站墙角，叫他好好想想今天都干了些什么！(Pep's gonna get Raheem to stand in the corner and think about what he's done.)

Qwertyell(南安普顿球迷)：还是别让斯特林思考了，这会困惑住他的…(Don't give Sterling time to think - it confuses him.)

Nalchefdangerdagger(阿森纳球迷)：唉，越位归越位，可这不意味着你整条防线就不用防守了…(It's offside but that doesn't mean the whole defence just stops, ridiculous.)

PerBnb(阿森纳球迷)：说实话，3-1的比分我已经感觉和踢平一样了，我之前预想会输更多的…(Honestly that a 3-1 loss to City felt almost like a draw. I expected a far, far worse result.)

AyanC(曼联球迷)：你买来一个破球队转会纪录的大牌，然后又让他在这关键时刻打替补，教授你这是在想什么…(You buy a striker for record fee and then bench him off for one of the biggest games of the season. Wtf?)

Alpha_Jazz(沃特福德球迷)：教授这么绅士的人，当然是为了让拉卡泽特在国际比赛日前休息一下啦！(Classy Arsene giving Lacazette some rest before the international break.)

莫拉塔头槌，切尔西1-0曼联

comewatchTV(皇马球迷)：昨天的J罗，今天的莫拉塔，我讨厌这种失去才懂得珍惜的感觉…(James yesterday and Morata today. I hate the feeling that you never know what you've got until it's gone.)

Tsegen(切尔西球迷)：欢迎来到“怀念前任”联盟！(Welcome to my ex regret union.)

LFC_DB(利物浦球迷)：穆帅最近10次客场面对前六球队，总共进了1个球，而且一场没赢…(Mourinho's last 10 away games v the 'big six': 1 goal scored, 0 wins.)

Ccountplease(利物浦球迷)：那唯一的客场进球，真的是“特殊的一个啊”！(The Special 1 goal away from home.)

(图)：Remember, remember, the 5th of Novermber...

R4ilz(切尔西球迷)：这场比赛，卢卡库就没在切尔西禁区里拿过一次球…(Romelu Lukaku failed to record a single touch in Chelsea's box today.)

Killawuchtel(柏林赫塔球迷)：穆帅干脆在冬窗把克劳奇买来吧，这样就能执行最无敌的传中战术了！(Mourinho should get Crouch in the winter and play the ultimate cross tactics.)

萨拉赫张伯伦进球，利物浦4-1西汉姆联

Pingreen(利物浦球迷)：万圣节都结束了，可为什么西汉姆联球迷们要装扮成空座位的样子呢？(Halloweens over why are West Ham fans dressed as empty seats.)

PinkToothbrush(未知主队球迷)：看到前男友就坐在球场最前排看着他自己的主队被狂揍，真是没有比这更开心的事了！(Nothing makes me happier than knowing my ex boyfriend is sitting in the front row watching his team get pounded.)

NaziWeedPope(哥伦比亚球迷)：利物浦在对方罚角球时得到的进攻机会，比在自己罚角球时还多…(Liverpool are more dangerous from opponents' corners than their own ones.

(图)：我妈以为我正在和爷爷一起做作业...

Kronyon(未知主队球迷)：张伯伦这赛季的进球数，已经和桑切斯一样多了…(Oxlade-Chamberlain has the same number of goals as Alexis Sanchez this season.)

Gary_Blauman(苏格兰球迷)：这算啥，我和诺伊尔的进球数还一样多呢！(I have the same amount of goals as Neuer though)

焦点之战，拜仁3-1多特蒙德

JitteryTerrorist(未知主队球迷)：罗本在年轻时献祭了自己的秀发，就是为了在40岁时还能保持住奔跑的速度啊！(I think Robben sacrificed his hair at a young age so that he could keep his speed at 40 years old.)

dirtInfestor1(德国球迷)：机智的罗本！当你本身就在中路的时候，你就不需要内切了！(Dont have to cut inside when you are already standing inside. Smart Rooben)

he1101(AC米兰球迷)：呵呵，两周前还有人说多特这赛季要夺联赛冠军了呢！(LOL THEY TOLD ME THAT BVB WERE GOING TO WIN THE BUDENSLIGA 2 WEEKS AGO.)

_isaias17(多特球迷)：呵呵，两个月前还有人说花了2亿的米兰能有点出息呢！(LOL THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA BE A THREAT AFTER SPENDING 200m TWO MONTH AGO.)

(图)：小编一直以为自己是直男，直到遇见了罗伊斯...

帕科梅开，巴萨2-1塞维利亚

LaCanina(塞维利亚)：至少我们今晚防住了梅西，还是值得庆祝一下的…(Well, at least Messi surprisingly didn't score against us tonight. It's something to be celebrated...)

Pdvu21(巴萨球迷)：联赛踢到第11轮了，想不到帕科的进球竟然比C罗都多…(We're on Matchday 11 and Paco has more goals in the league than Ronaldo. I never thought I'd say that...)

hsg417(巴萨球迷)：当乌龙球不在状态时，乌龙助攻就挺身而出了！(When it's not Own Goal, it's Own Assist.)

kokin3(希洪竞技球迷)：我坚信，我都能在苏亚雷斯之前为巴萨进个球了！(I'm pretty sure I could score a goal for Barcelona before Suarez does nowadays.)

un_sub(杜塞尔多夫球迷)：梅西比我任何方面都强，那我就算是一个弱化版的梅西吧！(I'm just Messi lite. Everything I do he does better :(

Hellodanknessmyoldd(费耶诺德球迷)：是啊，你的女票深有体会！(Your girlfriend deeply agrees.)

止住连败，皇马3-0拉斯帕尔马斯

zyndr0m(皇马球迷)：卡塞米罗这赛季的进球数，和C罗本泽马加起来一样多了…(Casermiro now has equally many goals as CR7 and Benzema together.)

阿里梅开二度，热刺3-1皇马

Olive_truth(瑞典球迷)：假如皇马在国家德比时的防守还像现在这样，那苏亚雷斯岂不就能…浪费15次门前良机了…(If Real is using this defence in the classico, oh boy Suarez would…miss at least 15 shots fron inside the penalty box!)

franch(热刺球迷)：热刺机智地轮换了卡恩，就是为了能在周末对阵水晶宫这样的强队时能保持状态啊！(Good on spurs subbing off Kane so he can be fresh against a much better opponent like Palace.)

ahmed23t(曼联球迷)：要不是多特在欧冠这么坑爹，现在皇马能不能出线都是问题了…(If Dortmund weren't such a shit show in this group, Madrid could've been well in danger of missing out on the knockout stage.)

TheGreatReveal-O(克罗地亚球迷)：上次皇马踢成这熊样，那还是…上周末的事。(Worst RM performance I've seen since at least Sunday.)

AggiPo(热刺球迷)：我们把踢皇马弄得像踢西汉姆，而踢西汉姆却又像在踢皇马一样…(We made Real Madrid look like West Ham, and West Ham look like Real Madrid.)

AJustWandere(未知主队球迷)：皇马本场比赛的战术，1. 传中；2. 重复1.(Real Madrid's game plan: Step 1: cross the ball. Step 2: repeat step 1)

Ihaverocketlegs(利物浦球迷)：热刺竟然都不能零封，真是太丢人了！(Ha what a shame, Tottenham couldn’t even keep a clean sheet.)

Tommydubya(热刺球迷)：要是有一条真理的话，那就是每当皇马踢热刺的时候，莫德里奇所在的球队就没赢过球…(If there’s one thing that’s consistent, it’s that when Tottenham Hotspur and Real Madrid play each other, Luka Modric never wins.)

repsaj33(巴萨球迷)：与赫罗纳友尽了，热刺现在是我的新基友！(Friendship with girona ended; Tottenham new best friend.)

进球大战，曼城4-2那不勒斯

Stonenaldo(曼城球迷)：斯通斯竟成了我们这赛季的欧冠最佳射手，真是活久见…(Stones is our CL topscorer, what a time to be alive.)

Robert593(曼城球迷)：真心希望那不勒斯能出线啊，看萨里的比赛简直就像性高潮一样！(Really hope Napoli go through to the next round, Sarri ball is orgasmic.)

PinkCinnamon(曼城球迷)：我也不是不谦虚，我觉得曼城能赢下世界杯！(I dont want to overreact but we are winning the World Cup.)

客场输球，切尔西0-3罗马

SpursyTottsy(热刺球迷)：在切尔西管事的，不像是孔蒂，而像是坎特…(Chelsea seems more and more like a Kante team than Conte team.)

jMS_44(切尔西球迷)：没有坎特，车子瓦特…(Without Kante, Chelsea is Can't team)

Ghillieuo(切尔西球迷)：振作点兄弟们，至少我们在万圣节还是被吓到了嘛！(Come on guys, at least I've had a good scare this Halloween.)

MarineKingPrime(国米球迷)：什么，你说罗马要在有切尔西和马竞的小组里拿第一了？(Wait, Roma is actually going to win the group with Chelsea & Atletico?)

顺利取胜，曼联2-0本菲卡

FlaxonWax0n(热刺球迷)：哈哈，切尔西竟然成了这赛季迄今英超在欧冠唯一输球的球队！(Haha Chelsea is the only English team to lose a champions league game so far.)

Burnedgoat(曼联球迷)：唉，毕竟他们运气不太好，没机会踢皇马或多特这样的弱队啊！(Yeah but they've been unlucky not to play easy teams like Dortmund and Madrid.)

保持头名，利物浦3-0马里博尔

Epidox(马里博尔球迷)：其实能输5球以内，我就挺知足了…(Anything under 5-0 I'm satisfied with tbh)

Viremia(利物浦球迷)：尝试了327次之后，终于有次传中管用了…(after 327 attempts, a cross finally connects.)

Viremia(利物浦球迷)：多亏了我们的后卫时不时送点火，卡里乌斯才没在场上睡着啊！(Good thing Karius didn't fall asleep, our defending is helping them a bit)