I just took a little test for my vocabulary. It was 14,500 words, quite unexpectedly! I had the impression that my vocabulary had  been gradually decreasing after my GRE exam, for all the words I use in daily life are as basic as those a 12-year kid would depend on.

I began my tour of learning English before 12 years old. My mom weighed much of the English ability and created various opportunities for me to lean English when I was, like 10 years old, an age coming back home with the mud all over the clothes. She bought me lots of Disney movies and Chinese video is only allowed for the first time. And since then I developed my passion in English and always supersed my peers...Of course the above is bullshit. How could a little girl watch a movie repeatedly, especially when she was unable to understand most of the words. And those princesses, oh boy, I never had any dream related to becoming a princess. For learning English, I started early, while  it only proved that early doesn't mean everything.

I was doing OK during the high school. Not the best one, but ranked the top. Under the pressure of collage entrance examination, one of the most important exams in our lives, we were forced to allocate our time in a synthesized perspective, which means the students who were good at math might need to take care more about their Chinese, those who were already proficient in English made more effort in physics or chemistry. Why I failed to achieve great improvement like my friends did at that time, my previous better foundation might contribute to my later stocking.

That just happens. Everyone's high school life sucks. We struggled between our human nature and the study pressure. Even the most smart students would lose some parts of themselves within Chinese education system.

The truly point where I fell behind was my undergraduate. Or we even can pull it earlier to the summer after the entrance exam. I had relaxed my nervous since then. I knew there was much to be done, but somehow I stopped developing myself. I thought a lot and read so little. I led the external to lead me, failed to fight for what I wanted. Specific to English learning, learning in the preparing for GRE or TOFEL was not bad idea. I should have successfully built my writing and oral ability at that time, but I didn't reach the expected level because I didn't make the expected effort. The truths are always simple. Today I was recommended a book named Try hard to death, have fun to death. The author, a girl graduated from Pecking University, gained nearly full score for GMAT resulted from her two-month enclosed training.

I didn't become a diligent learner like her, partially because I weight too much of the result. I kept question myself, didn't believe in or enjoy the process. As a result, I never went extreme to see what a peaceful and enjoyable world deeper there. Copying with all the stuff hastily was my basic living style. Now it may takes longer time to redeem from that frame. While, I am trying hard.

After the second TOFEL test, ending in a score under 100 again, it occurred to me that I just couldn't learn English well enough as long as I was in China. Go to America, then I would overcome it effortlessly. How naïve! I remembered a story I read from a magazine. The boy who gained huge achievement later had a full wall of vocabulary cards in his bedroom, when he was studying abroad. No achievement is gained unconsciously. Consciousness doesn't necessarily mean effort, suffering, pain. For example, both of my friends learned to communicate fluently without much pain, but they are absolutely conscious during the development of oral ability. They watched the videos with full attention, picking up new words and tries their best to apply what they heard or saw to their life. It's quite a pleasant process to them, but it can not be achieved by watching a movie carelessly even for  a hundreds of times.

Now I believe continuous purposely practice is dispensable. Obviously, I had another undermistaken after I just came to the U.S. I thought the major reason my English have not improved rapidly was I didn't have much opportunity to contact with real Americans. I kept that thought in my mind until one day I realized I still can't express myself naturally even I gained myself much more chances to talk with my American friends. Then it is not about the external. Something internal need to be nuanced.

I talked to Sherry half month ago about my issue. She didn't respond like ordinary friends saying you are good enough. She is an experienced English teacher, which allowed her to make the most conducive suggestion: Do you still need to translate? That's a "aha" moment for me. If I want to think, speak, act in English, cutting of my Chinese resources would be the first step rather than looking for American friends. Of course, it is great to have a language partner. However, isn't the most convenient partner would be ourselves?

I read and am reading a lot of books about learning how to learn. Some of them discuss about learning directly. Some teach learning methods for specific subjects, such as writing, language or meditation. None of them can talk about how to learn without talking about how to think.

For example, Fluent Forever and MAke it stick all tried to convince you  that the more effortful is the process, the more we can retain from it, the deeper and more durable the memory last. I have sensed it a little when I read How to read a book. Reading is the most basic way of inputting, absorbing information, especially for language learning. That book taught us to avoid reading merely in a shallow level by asking some major questions about the theme and make sure you could answer them after your reading. Apparently it would take longer time to finish the material. Our goal is never for finishing something. Our goal is applying our knowledge in creating a better world.

I am becoming a better leaner, not just confined to English learner. At the same time, I need to keep reminding myself the following principals:

1. Keep doing it at least for half an hour, one month, three month...Never quit too quickly to see the coming gain.

2. Never choose the way with the least resistance.

3. Keep doing or keep talking.