Five years ago, my master thesis named "Death Aesthetics in Oscar Wilde' Fairy Tales" tortured me a lot. Death means an unknowing world waiting ahead---uncertainty. Just like half open blossom, the intermediate state is the most attractive one. Why? Because it can arouse your imagination and bring out various possibilities.
So after I worked in a state-owned company in a middle sized city for two years after graduation, I was exhausted for the clear view of my future. 30 years later I would become one of the old aged predecessors sitting all day in the office. Life would be like a quiet creek even without ripples. There are no possibilities waiting ahead of me, thus no passions burning in my body.
As a result, I handed over my resignation letter and left the city. Then I came to Shanghai and found a job in a small company.
Someone said I was brave enough giving up the stable job and throwing myself into the competitive city. To tell you the truth, I did all this just following my heart. And also many times I was full of worries due to the uncertainty. There is only one way out: to become stronger and more competitive. So I dared not relax and kept learning to improve myself. Though still surrounded by uncertainties and possibilities now, my worries are reduced little by little for even if I lost my job tomorrow, I could always find another way supporting my family.
That's a paradox. Longing for possibilities deeply in heart for the appeal of uncertainty, and meanwhile full of worries due to lack of security. But luckily, as I grow older, I am more securied to seek the beauty of uncertainty, which is vital to maintain myself young.
