To-do list: how to become a mother respected by children

Traditionally the role of mother is more focusing on “service provider of children”, while often it is ignored that mother herself should be an independent individual first.

The quality parent-kid relationship, must be the relationship between two independent, outstanding people.

1. Please don’t think "I gave birth to a baby", however should think "I met up with someone".

2. In the real life, one day you will not be relied and abandoned by your children sooner or later. Please get ready for the day, maybe much earlier than you think. However children perhaps are willing to connect with you emotionally if you work hard.  The key is: control. The intervention has to be controlled.

3. Raising a child actually is not a big deal. There is no problem for children to have simple life, but this situation turns extreme complex when parent think too much.

4. Stand in awe of the children’s minds. It is a huge rich ore. Whatever the ways take to activate, will turn to the respective outcome.  No childish books, no baby language, please do share with them the most wisdom in our human culture with the normal way.

5. Become their learning partner.  My principles are: I will learn the same thing as my child, simultaneously. Do take note that you have the same "working years" as a mum is equivalent to his working years as child.  Therefore, we are partner, more than the mom-child relationship.

6. It is vital important for the child to learn the ability of appreciate beauty. They will appreciate in any situations.

7. Let your child listen to your conversations with friends.

8. Cultivate the child confidence. Two effective ways: one is to participate the high quality social networking with your child to explore an "eye-opening" journey; another one is to develop an accumulative, stackable interests to shape the confidence with persistence and self-discipline.

9. For whatever reasons, the next generation will excel us.

10. Set a high standard, cultivate your child’s targets setting and execution.

11. What you are, is 1000 times more important than telling them what they are going to be.

关于成为受孩子尊敬的母亲的清单  原创 2017-05-14 「得到」

传统习俗对母亲的角色定义中，过于强调“孩子的服务者”这部分，却常常忽略母亲本身首先应该是一个独立个体。

优质的亲子关系，应该是两个独立而优秀的人之间的关系

1. 不能以“我生了一个孩子”的心态来生孩子，而是当“我遇见一个人”。

2. 在生活上，孩子迟早有一天根本不需要你，甚至想要甩开你。这一天会比你计划的要早得多，早做心理准备。但是通过努力，也许孩子愿意在精神世界始终与你保持纽带。努力的要诀是：克制，克制对他的干预。

3. 养育孩子一点都不复杂。孩子可以过非常简单的生活，是父母的妄念把这件事变得复杂无比。

4. 对孩子的头脑要怀有敬畏。那是一个巨大的富矿，用什么样的方式激活，就呈现什么状态。不要给孩子看那些幼稚化的图书，不要用“儿童语”和他们说话，用正常、尊重智商的方式，和他们分享人类文明中最优质的成果。

5. 成为孩子的学习伙伴。我给自己定的原则是：让孩子去学什么，我就要同步学什么。你当母亲的“工龄”和他当孩子的“工龄”是一样的，所以，我们是搭档，胜过我们是母亲和孩子的关系。

6. 让孩子建立第一流的审美能力，比什么都重要。认识美和体察美的人，无论在任何处境中都不会太难过。

7. 让孩子旁听你和你的朋友们的谈话。

8. 培养孩子的自信，目前看有效的方式是两种：一是带孩子参加成年人的高品质社交活动，让孩子在智力层面“开眼界”；二是培养孩子发展可积累、可迭代的兴趣或特长，在坚持和自律中养成自信。

9. 无论如何，下一代人一定会比我们更优秀。

10. 树立高标准，培养孩子的目标感和行动力。

11.  你是什么样的人，比你告诉孩子他要成为什么样的人，重要一千倍。

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