It seems that being VPE made me grow up rapidly. I got similar feedback from many people. Yes, I agreed this beacuse whenever I finished some tasks like organizing the contest or leading Pathways discussion, I felt exhusted buy completed. I told myself, good, you went through a pass again. When I wrote this ariticle, I tried to list several things I learned. like creating three types of persuading skills, five ways of calling roles. But they didn't impress me the most.
Think over and over, to summary, the real change of me is that I understand myself better than before.
People are quite different, and own variety of personalities. I couldn’t say that I am always an out-going person. sometimes I am afraid of making mistakes, so I wouldn't always take every chance. sometimes I feel tired of complicated works or communictaions with others, I would keep long-term silence and refused to talk. I used to hide those things and didn't care about them too much. I thought, optimitic person like me, that's all a piece of cake.
But they would always happen when I couldn't find anyone to take roles on each Wednesday. Two inside me fight again and again. One is tired me, one is responsible me. Certainly the later one won beacuse this was the life I preferred. so I always pushed myself to finish my call-role works.
The fact is that being VPE made me face the disappointing moment, the failure in my work and the imperfection of my personality. Although I always struggled for killing these anxiety which bothers me a lot, but actually I understood myself better.
The stronger that feeling was, the more thinking would came out. I finally noticed I care little about myself, even couldn't get sleep beacuse of these negative emotions. So when I suffered from them again, I would do something I like to make myself comfortable.
Another fact is that I was not the unique one. In teenager years, I thought I was different, I could do the things other person couldn't handle. So more challenging things beyond my capacity was often in my goal list. Certainly, majority of them is still on my list. When I struggled to be a perfect VPE, there still many situations I couldn't control. By deeply analyzing the reality, I made many high-level requirements that largely exceeds my ability. It made me very uphappy.
Through this experience, I tried to think, "have a rest ,my dear" instead of blaming myself. That's works. I finally accpet the fact that I was the most common person. i didn't feel upset but relaxed.
All in all, now I am better at getting along with myself. Care more about inside me, Cure myself when uphappy. Still fight for my goals but give up those unreal dream. This the most valuable thing that I learnt from being a VPE.
