喜剧大师卓别林在他70岁生日的时候,创作了一首诗《当我真正开始爱自己》,第一次听到这首诗是在一堂心理课上,当老师用柔和的声音读出这首诗时,我的心中瞬间有一股暖流,心底升出一股力量。
我们从来到这个世界的那天就注定要体会这一世的痛苦,生老病死、怨憎会、爱别离、求不得。我们生来便是受害者角色,所以我们也习惯了一直以受害者的姿态呈现,习惯了把凄惨的故事讲得一遍又一遍,习惯了把现在的不好的一切都归到他人身上,习惯了让周围决定自己的喜怒哀乐和选择。
在原生家庭里如此,在恋爱中亦是如此,一开始的时候,觉得这个人哪儿哪儿都好,过了一段时间又看哪里都不顺眼,和自己想象得完全不一样。“我想要的他给不了,不想要的他偏给”“一点不懂我心思,一点不懂浪漫”。我们习惯了把自己的快乐、自己的幸福交付到别人手上。
可是,我们却忘了,我们是带着礼物来的,我们彼此吸引是因为我们灵魂上需要彼此的礼物啊。
如果想被给予,需要先给出去,你想要什么,需要先把这个给到这段关系中。
如果你想要尊重,你有给予同等的尊重么?如果你想要信任,你有给予同等的信任么?如果你想要关心,你有给予同等的关心么?所以,你希望他是什么样的人,你想找一个什么样的人,首先你要先把自己活出来,给出去,只有这样两个人才能在这个关系中接收到彼此的礼物。
没有一个人比我们自己更强大,我们可以有选择的力量,我们可以为自己的幸福、快乐、开心负责。
虽然我们可能不会100%负责,但我们需要去察觉,只有将能量更多得放在自我负责的位置上,我们才越会幸福。
如果我们封闭自己的心,封闭自己的感觉,不去看自己,那么我们内心的黑暗、恐惧、痛苦、悲伤就不会被疗愈。
有的人患忧郁症,甚至想自杀,其实是因为他们关闭了心,受害者意识太重,觉得周围都是加害者,他们放弃了自我负责的能力,放弃了选择的力量。所以,如果你现在面临巨大的挑战,陷于自我怀疑、自我否定,那么,说明你现在正紧紧抓住让自己不开心的标准。
我们要学会爱自己,真正得爱自己,不是简单的吃吃喝喝、打游戏、买漂亮衣服,而是去关心你的心,去拥抱你自己,去给你自己力量。想象你有一个很爱的人,女儿、儿子、父母、恋人、朋友,你怎样对他们好就怎样对你自己,这就是爱自己。
真正得爱自己,不是允许自己成为别人眼中的普通人,而是成为你自己,成为那个不拘一格、闪闪发光、可能被叫做“奇葩”的自己,成为那个有价值的存在。
你的世界里,只有你自己,请好好爱自己,因为没有谁比你自己能陪自己更长久。
中文版:
《当我真正开始爱自己》
当我真正开始爱自己,
我才认识到,所有的痛苦和情感的折磨,
都只是提醒我:活着,不要违背自己的本心。
今天我明白了,这叫做
[真实]
当我真正开始爱自己
我才懂得,把自己的愿望强加于人,
是多么的无礼,就算我知道,时机并不成熟,
那人也还没有做好准备,
就算那个人就是我自己,
今天我明白了,这叫做
[尊重]
当我开始爱自己,
我不在渴求不同的人生,
我知道任何发生在我身边的事情,
都是对我成长的邀请。
如今,我称呼为
[成熟]
当我开始真正爱自己,
我才明白,我其实一直都在正确的时间,
正确的地方,发生的一切都恰如其分。
由此我得以平静。
今天我明白了,这叫做
[自信]
当我开始真正爱自己,
我开始远离一切不健康的东西。
无论是饮食和人物,还是事情和环境,
我远离一切让我远离本真的东西。
此前我把这叫做“追求健康的自私自利”,
但今天我明白了,这是
[自爱]
当我真正开始爱自己,
我不再继续沉溺于过去,
也不再为明天而忧虑,
现在我只活在一切正在发生的当下,
今天,我活在此时此地,
如此日复一日。这就叫
[完美]
当我开始真正爱自己,
我明白,我的思虑让我变的贫乏和病态,
但当我唤起了心灵的力量,
理智就变成了一个重要的伙伴,
这种组合我称之为,
[心的智慧]
我们无须再害怕自己和他人的分歧,
矛盾和问题,
因为即使星星有时也会碰在一起,
形成新的世界,
今天我明白,
这就是
[生命]
英文原文:
<AS I BEGAN TO LOVE MYSELF>
As I began to love myself
I found that, anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that, I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself
I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself
I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself
I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment,
so I could be calm.
Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself
I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today,
I only do what brings me joy and happiness,
things I love to do and that make my heart cheer,
and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself
I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself
I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself
I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now,
I only live for the moment,
where EVERYTHING is happening.
Today I live each day,
day by day,
and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself
I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick.
But As I connected it to my heart,
my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments,
confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE“!