文如题，一篇心灵鸡汤。
珍妮弗·安妮斯顿今年47岁，被人物杂志评为世界最美丽的女人。这已经是她继2004年后第二次中选了，并且她还连续16年获选“全球最性感女人”。现实生活中的安妮斯顿热爱自己的事业，享受幸福的爱情，热心做公益慈善，离过婚又结了婚，从不对前夫恶言恶语，2016年她在“福布斯顶级赚钱女演员”榜单中排名第四。另外她出过四款香水，建了一个电影公司Echo Film。除了美的封号，她也算名副其实的成功人士。
以下是我翻译的她对婚姻的感悟，摘自《名利场》对她的专访。
"we don't need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own 'happily ever after' for ourselves."
“我们不需要结婚，也不需要做母亲才算完整，我们自己决定自己的'幸福'”
“A man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over children,” she says. “That really pissed me off. I’ve never in my life said I didn’t want to have children. I did and I do and I will! The women that inspire me are the ones who have careers and children; why would I want to limit myself? I’ve always wanted to have children, and I would never give up that experience for a career. I want to have it all.”
“一个男人离婚永远不会被指责选择职业而不要孩子，”她说。 “真的很生气。 我从来没有在我的生活中说我不想有孩子。 我过去想，现在也想，将来也会！ 激励我的女人是那些既有事业又有孩子的人; 为什么我想限制自己？ 我一直想有孩子，我永远不会因为生孩子而放弃我的职业生涯。 我想拥有一切。”
“Relationships are two people; everyone is accountable. A lot goes into a relationship coming together, and a lot goes into a relationship falling apart. She’d say, ‘Even if it’s 98 percent the other person’s fault, it’s 2 percent yours, and that’s what we’re going to focus on.’ You can only clean up your side of the street.”
“关系是两个人的; 每个人都要负责。 很多事儿可以建立关系，也有好多事儿可以分裂关系。 即使是另一个人有98％的错误，剩下的2％也是你的，这就是我们要关注的，你只能清理你的街道。”
“There’s a lot I don’t understand, a lot I don’t know, and probably never will know, really. So I choose to take away with me as much integrity and dignity and respect for what that relationship was as I can. I feel as if I’m trying to scrounge around and pick up the pieces in the midst of this media circus.”
“有很多我不明白，很多我不知道，可能永远不会知道，真的。 所以我选择尽可能从我们以前的关系里带走我的诚实、尊严和尊重。 我觉得我好像在这个媒体马戏团的周围一点点捡拾起来。”
(Marriage)It’s like the ebb and flow of every relationship,” Aniston says. “It’s hard; it gets easy; it gets fun again. What’s hard to sustain is some ideal that it’s perfect. That’s ridiculous. What’s fantastic about marriage is getting through those ebbs and flows with the same person, and looking across the room and saying, ‘I’m still here. And I still love you.’ You re-meet, reconnect. You have marriages within marriages within marriages. That’s what I love about marriage. That’s what I want in marriage. It’s unfortunate, but we live in a very disposable society. Those moments where it looks like ‘Uh-oh, this isn’t working!’—those are the most important, transformative moments. Most couples draw up divorce papers when they’re missing out on an amazing moment of deepening and enlightenment and connection.”
婚姻中每段关系都有漩涡和波浪，有时很艰难，有时很宁静，有时充满乐趣。最艰难的时刻往往是你想追求一种完美的境界，但那是可笑而不现实的。婚姻最神奇之处在于，在经过了那么多漩涡和波浪后，站在你身边的还是同一个人，你仍然深切地感受到，自己爱着对方。每次争执，总能让你们重新相遇，重新相知，重新相爱，在婚姻中，你们再展开一段新的婚姻，如此永远延续，没有终点。这就是我喜欢婚姻的原因，也是我希望从婚姻中得到的。但是很不幸，我们生活在一个任性的时代里，一遇到问题，首先想到的就是‘糟糕，过不下去了’，那是最重要、决定性的时刻，因为一旦有了这种想法，人们自然而然就签订了离婚协议，他们不知道，自己已经错过互相迁就、互相认错、重新证明爱情的机会，那才是最美好的。
“You can’t force a relationship, even if it’s your view of how you would like it to be conducted. Obviously two people leave a relationship because there’s a different thought pattern happening. My goal is to try and achieve a very deep, committed relationship. That’s what I’m interested in, but it’s someone’s prerogative to be or not to be in or out of a relationship.”
“你不能强迫一种婚姻关系，即使你有这个想法。 显然两个人因为不同的思维模式发生而分手。 我的目标是尝试和实现一个非常深刻，承诺的婚姻关系。 这是我感兴趣的，但别人有权选择进入或者离开这个关系。”
“Relationships are complicated, whether they’re friendships or business relationships or parent relationships. I don’t think anybody in a marriage gets to a point where they feel like ‘We’ve got it!’ You’re two people continually evolving, and there will be times when those changes clash. There are all these levels of growth—and when you stop growing together, that’s when the problems happen.”
“关系本身就是复杂的，无论是友谊还是商业关系或父母关系。 我不认为婚姻中的任何人达到“我得到了”的地步。你们是两个不断变化的人，有时这些变化会产生冲突。 有很多这种成长水平 - 但当你们停止一起成长，就是问题发生之时。
You’re forced to re-discover yourself and take it to another level. If you can find a way to see the glass half full, these are the moments when you learn the most. I’ve had to re-introduce myself to myself in a way that’s different.”
你被迫重新发现自己，把它带到另一个层次。 如果你能找到一种方式看出来玻璃杯半满，那也就是你学到最多的时刻。 我不得不以一种不同的方式重新向自己介绍自己。
“I am not defined by this relationship. I am not defined by the part they’re making me play in the triangle.”
我不是由这种（婚姻）关系定义的。 我不是由他们让我在三角形（朱莉、皮特）中玩的部分定义的。
“It was that thing about being a nurturer; I love taking care of people, and I definitely put his needs before mine sometimes. It’s seamless; somewhere along the way, you sort of lose yourself. You just don’t know when it happens. It’s such an insidious thing, you don’t really see where it started—and where you ended. There’s no one to blame but yourself. I’ve always been that way in relationships, even with my mom. It’s not the healthiest. I feel like I’ve broken the pattern now. I’ll never let myself down like that again. I feel like my sense of self is being strengthened because of it.”
“这是一个关于作为养育者的事情; 我喜欢照顾人，我有时候绝对把他的需要放在我的前面，甚至感觉不到我在这么做。这样一来，你会觉得你失去自己。 你只是不知道它什么时候发生。 这是一个阴险的事情，你真的不知道从哪儿开始——你在哪里结束。 没有人去责怪，要怪就怪自己。 在很多关系里我都以养育者的身份存在，甚至与我的妈妈。 这不是最健康的。 我觉得我现在打破了模式。 我永远不会再让自己失望。 我觉得我的自我感觉因为离婚这件事而得到加强。”
“I come from a fighting family, and I had a tough time arguing,” she says. “Fighting scared me. I wouldn’t speak up for myself. That’s something I’ve learned; I will always speak my mind.”
“我是来自于一个争吵的家庭，为了争辩费劲口舌。我害怕吵架。我不敢为自己评理。这也是我学到的，我永远都要说出自己的想法。”
“Besides, it’s all in the past,” she adds. “This doesn’t kill you. You move on. You can’t let the devastation of a divorce take over and win—let it make you this bitter, closed-off, angry, skeptical person. Then you’re just falling victim to it. You don’t want to shut your heart down. You don’t want to feel that when a marriage ends, your life is over. You can survive anything. Compared to what other people are surviving out there in the world, this is not so bad, in the grand scheme of things. Human endurance is unbelievable. ”
“过去的就过去吧。过去不会杀了你。你继续前进。 你不能让离婚的破坏接管和赢得你的生活 - 把你变成苦涩，封闭，愤怒，多疑的人。 那样你只是它的受害者。 你不想闭上你的心。 你不想觉得，当婚姻结束，你的生活结束了。 你完全可以活下来。 与其他人在世界上生存下来相比，在大事儿上，你并不是那么糟糕。 人的耐力是令人难以置信的。 ”
“It’s out there,” she says. “It will happen. There’s an amazing man that’s wandering the streets right now who’s the father of my children. In five years I would hope to be married and have a kid. I still believe in marriage 100 percent. When I hear people say that they would never do it again, it’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Why would you ever close your heart down?”
“爱就在那儿，爱会发生，有一个非常好的人，现在在街上徘徊，他将是我的孩子的父亲。 五年来，我希望结婚，有一个孩子。 我仍然100％相信婚姻。 当我听到人们说，他们永远不想再结婚了，就好像你不喜欢你的脸硬要给鼻子拿掉。 你为什么要闭上你的心？”
“Maybe it’s a fairy tale, but I believe in happily ever after.”
“也许爱情是一个童话，但我相信在以后会幸福。”
236集《老友记》“瑞秋”这个角色成就了安妮斯顿，让她成为永远的“美国甜心”，拿奖拿到手软，同时也让人忘记了她其实是安妮斯顿，并不是瑞秋。她说：“不是每个人都是生活的赢家。不是每一集的《老友记》都很精彩。不是每一个你交往的男人都很出色。他们对我的期待都太多了。”
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