看完《请以你的名字呼唤我》,我在冬天仿佛感觉到了夏天的气息,阳光、水波、树荫,潮湿、清新、躁动。
我没有看过书,可能对细节理解不深刻。很多影评都说这不是一个爱情故事,或者不只是一个爱情故事。然而我还是把它看成了一部爱情故事,并且看完后心中怅然若失难以平静。
我难以忘记很多情节,比如,故事一开始elio偷看oliver时的眼神,elio在与oliver玩耍时的小欣喜,elio在看到Oliver的纸条说晚上见的时候的狂喜,elio和oliver在晚上狂热的缠绵,elio穿着oliver的衬衫明媚的笑着奔跑,elio看见oliver与陌生女人跳舞时的呕吐,elio送别oliver后打电话给妈妈时的哽咽,elio听到oliver说什么都记得的时候嘴角的微笑,elio看着壁炉中的火焰的时候仿佛在脑海放映了一整个夏天后流下的眼泪……
但是我最难忘记的,是在广场elio想要表白的时候的场景:
那时天空一碧如洗,夏天的阳光把小镇照耀的仿佛整个世界都曝光过度。安静的广场没有行人,elio看着Oliver,满脸都是心事。
背景音乐《Une barque sur l'ocean from Miroirs》响起。于是本来平静的溪水在波动了,本来欢叫的小鸟安静地瞌睡了,本来刺眼的阳光温和下来,微风吹过了,心里的躁动不安突然静谧了,犹豫不见了,有些情感似乎不再被压抑了。
一切都是这么顺其自然。
oliver: is there anything you don't know?
elio: i know nothing oliver.
oliver: i think you know more than anybody else around here.
elio: if you only knew how little i know about the things that really matter.
oliver: what things that matter?
elio: you know what things.
oliver: why are you telling me all this?
elio: because i thought you should know.
oliver: because you thought i should know.
elio: because i want you to know.
elio喃喃重复着'cause i want you to know,思考着。在背景音乐中某种含蓄的情感终将要爆发。
elio: because there is no one else i can say it to but you.
oliver: are you saying what i think you are saying?
elio此时像怀春少女一样看着oliver,身体不自然的开始摆动。
在接下来Oliver去取书的时候,elio望向oliver的背影,然后望向天主教堂屋顶的十字架。十字架高耸地插入明媚的天空。此时elio想着的是什么?在揣测Oliver的心思吧,在祈祷?背景音乐再次响起的时候,清新的夏天的咸甜味扑面而来。
真美好。17岁的夏天,就应该有这样的表白的吧。即使最后旅人远去,elio肯定永远不会忘记这样子沉浸在甜蜜的慌乱、少年怀春的猜测中的自己。oliver也不会。
elio的父亲在Oliver离开后,对儿子说:
"you had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, or pray that their sons land on their feet soon enough. But I am not such a parent. In your place, if there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don't snuff it out, don't be brutal with it. Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awake at night, and watching others forget us sooner than we'd want to be forgotten is no better. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste"
"How you live your life is your business. But remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. Most of us can't help but live as though we've got two lives to live, one is the mockup, the other the finished version, and then there are all those versions in between. But there's only one, and before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. "
elio肯定听懂了父亲的教诲,并且也不遗余力地去感受自己,去感受爱情,去追寻。即使旅人不是这样。电影最后,elio听到旅人最终作出了选择。在壁炉前elio可能回忆了一遍整个夏天,让自己去体会,去感受。elio哭了,笑了,领悟了。
一个夏天够了。