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Me, My Husband, and Porn

During our first few years together, I stayed away from porn as well as I could, convinced it was to blame for all that had gone wrong in my life. I missed it, but we decided it wasn't a good idea to bring it into the bedroom. That was a healthy decision, for the most part.

Our intimacy grew stronger, and we cultivated a relationship based on honesty and mutual respect. Binging on porn became like an old toxic friendship I'd outgrown.

我，我的丈夫和色情片

我们在一起的最初那几年里，我尽我所能地远离色情片，告诫自己过去一切错在于此。虽然我想念它，但我们认为把它带到卧室不是一个好主意。在很大程度上来说，这也是个健康的决定。

我们关系越来越亲密，我们努力去培养一种基于诚实及相互尊重的关系。

我已经长大了不再需要沉醉于色情片。

But every now and then I'd relapse. While I was honest 98% of the time, there were moments when I snuck into the other room or waited until he left the house so I could get my porn fix. I got a rush from the secrecy and the shame I felt. It wasn't until I came home one afternoon and caught him in the same secretive situation that we decided keeping porn out of our relationship wasn't worth lying to each other.

When we lifted the restriction on porn, we were both nervous. Would we undo all the good work we'd done for our relationship? Would I become fiendish and unhappy again? Were we taking a giant step backward?

但是我时不时会旧病复发。98%的时候我很诚实，而2%的时候我也会悄悄溜进另一个房间，或者等着他出门了，我能享受一下。我从偷偷摸摸中得到快感，同时却也感到羞愧。直到有天下午我回家，让我发现他也同样遮遮掩掩的，这时我们决定不再让色情片影响我们的感情，它不值得我们对彼此撒谎。

当我们解除了色情片的限制时，我们都很紧张。会不会毁掉我们之前维系很好的关系呢？我会不会再次陷入困境变得不开心呢？我们是不是倒退了一大步呢？

Turns out, once something is no longer forbidden, it's also no longer that enticing. The first time we brought it back to the bedroom, it was exciting for the first few seconds and then became like background noise. I also found that I was turned on again at what I would have previously considered softcore, because I was more excited at sharing the moment with my husband, rather than by myself.

结果是，有些事情一旦不再被禁止，它便不再是那么有诱惑力了。第一次我们把它带到卧室，开始的前几秒种让人很激动，然后很快就成了背景噪音。我还发现，我被再一次激发起性欲，是因为我体会到与丈夫共同分享这美妙时刻比靠我自己更开心兴奋。

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