A final illustration of the notion that plans may go wrong is seen through my experience in my community service group. Everything was in order and ready to go.Even though we were certain that the event was a sure success, we skipped a very important detail in order to make the night become a reality.
点评:这段和第2章的一篇例文很相似,虽然有点长,我还是把它放到个人经历的例子中来了,它占了差不多一半的文章篇幅,大约220字。文章寓有哲理意味:"Although I knew I was worn-out, I put mind over matter and agreed to help out."也兼顾了道德社会:"For me,the lesson to be learned was to put the selfish individual needs aside and be a team player."如果你想用个人经历的例子凑字数,这个方法不错。
点评:这段个人经历的信息量横扫全球。读Kimi的文章你会读到历史、文化和牺牲。句子的平行结构不错(如:"she sacrificed a tremendous amount for her family to be safe, secure, and happy"),句式丰富,过渡巧妙。另外,这是她真实的经历,或者看起来是,不过在个人经历中加入一些编造的成分又有何妨?记住,作文就是亊实加虚构。再说一次,“想象力比知识更重要。”
点评:这个段落写得真不错,尤其在这些句子中,如“Rube Goldberg made intricately complicated contraptions to perform menial tasks.”Miles 讲了一个精彩的故亊,“Yet in the end, due to personal disagreements and calculation errors, our project lost point and did not turnout or perform like we hoped it would.”,在这个句子中,他直指项目的核心问题,过渡词用得很好。
you can't judge a book by its cover.
点评:这个段落详略得当,句子结构多样,Hillary用新闻人物的口吻引出主人公Derrick:“An acquaintance of mine, Derrick, was a soft-spoken basketball player who mostly kept to himself. Because of his quiet demeanor and jock reputation...”这让读者觉得与人物十分接近。而且,Hillary在结尾引用了名言,并强调她在这段经历中学到的东西。写的很好!
. In my own personal experience, creativity has ensued progress. This past summer. From a leaky toilet to peeling lead paint on an overhang to a one hundred year old oven that had not been cleaned in 25 years, we had to put our heads together to create cheap solutions to these problems, because we were on a tight budget. After brainstorming for a while, my mother and I decided to bend the float lever on the toilet, which kept the water level down, scrape off the lead paint, dispose of it, and spray grey primer on it, to cover up the rusty metal, and use CLR, or Calcium, Lime, Rust remover on the oven. After sixteen hours of cleaning and fixing up, we had a quaint little house, ready to be occupied. Because we came up with creative solutions, progress followed; we rented out the house.