学习路上永不止,感谢同行人的陪伴以及鼓励
清晨的秋风还未散去,就收到了南下的夏天的隔日长句翻译练习。
10月17日练习:请将以下中文使用英文表达,并发到本群。
风刮得厉害的时候,天未夜就把大门关上,全家吃毕夜饭即睡入被窝里,静听寒风的怒号,湖水的澎湃。
靠山的小后轩,算是我的书斋,在全屋子中风最小的一间,我常把头上的罗宋帽拉得低低地,在洋灯下工作至夜深。
简书翻译群共有4个,一群主要用于交流,其余为翻译练习群。感慨夏神的付出,面对着自身少少的词汇以及难以构成章法的句子,我还是厚着脸皮发上去了,作为第一个发今日练习的吃瓜群众,表示本宝宝超级开心,并且得到了鼓励,我知道,那实在是因为翻译的太不成体统了。
when the big wind coming, though the night not come, we alreadly close the door. We will have a dinner and then go to sleep, slience to license the clod wind and billows of lake.
The behind the small room near the window, likes my bookroom. At that whole rooms , is a least to feel wind . I often pull low my Luosongmao at the end of bed, work untill midnight.
~Sakiya 2016/10/17
更改后(总算改好了啊,至少语法问题应该没有了)
when the big wind came, though the night didn't come, we had already closed the door. We will have dinner and then go to sleep,silence to listen to the cold wind and billows of the lake. At the bake of the small room, near the window , it's like a bookshelf . At that end of the room there is a whole different feel in the wind blowing. I pull my blanket at the edge of the bed. And work until midnight.
—— Scal 18:43
期待讲解中
原文翻译 ( 内容节选自 《 英译中国现代散文 》)
When it was very windly, all we could do was shut the front door before dark and go to bed after supper, listening quietly to the whistling of the sharp wind and the surging of the Lake waters.
In the small rear-room close to the mountain, which, least affected by the wind, was my study, I often worked by the light of an oil lamp late into the night, with my woolen cap pulled down.
南下的夏天讲解中 (见序号)
1 大家做的很好。我基本实时进行了交流。现在简要分析一下。
2 第一句 在处理“风刮的厉害” 时,除了使用张培基先生译文的wildly一词之外,我们也可sharply、fiercely等词语
3 上次还有同学使用piercing一词
4 其副词形式 piercingly 也是可以形容刮的厉害
5 当然使用上次学习的howl 一词, 如when the wind howled......
6 也是可以比较形象地表达刮得厉害
7 至于 天未夜 我们可以看到译文是用的 before dark
8 这种处理非常简洁,表意却十分精准
9 这里再注意一个词组 all we can / could do is / was
10 这个词组后街 to do 形式(不定式) ,但在行文中可以省略动词不定式符合to,直接加动词原形
11 当然如果我们相拥比较文艺的方式表达"天未夜"。可以使用twilight这个词或者dusk,大话都看过暮光之城,用的就是twilight.
12 如果用twilight,可以把before dark换成in the twilight
13 接下来大家注意listening 使用了粉刺形式
14 ing分词起修饰作用
15 此处whistling这个词十分传神
16 如果我们有过在屋中听风声的经历,应该会记得风声仿佛哨声一样
17 而whistling这个词的含义就是 a high sound made by blowing a whistle, by blowing air out through your lips, or when air or steam is forced through a small opening 口哨声; 哨子声;汽笛声
18 当然使用上次学习的roar一词, 表达 疯的怒号 也是可以的。
丙丁兔老师:In the small rear-room close to the mountain, which, least affected by the wind,这句翻译的好好啊。尤其是学会了这种定语从句的处理方法,以前做翻译练习时常会遇到,有的时候which放在另一个名词后面,又怕以为which是形容这个名词的。这样用“,which,”就能准确表达which是形容room而不是mountain 的。
19 下面surging这个词也很形象,其意思为浪涌。if a large amount of a liquid, electricity, chemical etc surges, it moves very quickly and suddenly [ 大量液体] 汹涌;[ 电流]浪涌;[化学物等] 突然涌动
我们假设一下,如果考试时陡然想不出来surging 这种词语,那么也可以用waves代替,也是可以接受的。
接下来我们看第二句。In the small rear-room close to the mountain, which, least affected by the wind, was my study, I often worked by the light of an oil lamp late into the night , with my woolen cap pulled down.
rear-room 后屋,这种表达看似比较生疏,但可以会议一下,如果我们有过升座公交车的经历,就会听到后面下车就是用的rear-door.
接下来是which引导的定语成分的用法,方才丙丁兔老师已经说过,不再赘述。
再下面,注意一下least affected, 用来表达风最小,许多同学用了最高级来表达” 风最弱“ ,也是正确的。
接下来就是洋灯这个词,这篇文章练习初始,就告诉了大家作者和篇名,就是便于理解写作年代。当时洋灯就是指带玻璃罩的煤油灯。所以参考译文是oil lamp,也可以用kerosene lamp
下面是罗宋帽,其实就是风雪帽,源自俄罗斯,古语称俄罗斯为罗宋。就像罗宋汤是指俄罗斯浓汤,英文是borsch
参考译文用了woolen cap这是比较贴切的,因为woolen cap是指 a kind ofvcap covering the head and neck and with an opening for the face.
最后可以注意一下,with my woolen cap pulled down 这个短句中的with引导伴随状语的用法以及ed分词的修饰用法。
20 这里的解析,我有部分看错啦,重新说一下。不好意思。原解析:第一句 在处理“风刮得厉害”时,除了使用张培基先生译文的wildly一词之外,我们也可以使用上次练习中不少同学使用的sharply,fiercely等词语
21 现解析:第一句 在处理“风刮得厉害”时,除了使用张培基先生译文的windy一词之外,我们也可以使用上次练习中不少同学使用的sharply,fiercely, piercingly等词语。例如 when the wind blows fiercely⋯⋯
22 就这些啦
感谢
接下来是其他几位优秀翻译者作品
梧桐断角
10月17日练习:请将以下中文使用英文表达,并发到本群。
风刮得厉害的时候,天未夜就把大门关上,全家吃毕夜饭即睡入被窝里,静听寒风的怒号,湖水的澎湃。
靠山的小后轩,算是我的书斋,在全屋子中风最小的一间,我常把头上的罗宋帽拉得低低地,在洋灯下工作至夜深。 We would close the door before it got dark when the wind blew fierecely. We all lay in bed right after supper, being covered with the thick quilt, listening to the strong wind roaring and the mighty waves surging forward . There was a back small room , which was hillside and then became my study. It was influenced least by winds among all rooms . I used to pull my brim of the hat down over my eyes and work in there until midnight.
大胖猫爱吃巧乐兹
Wind howling and water of the lake surging , my family will shut the gate and go to bed early after dinner when the wind roars heavily. The small windowed veranda next to the mountain is considered as my study, which suffers gentle breeze in all rooms. I always pull my hood low enough and works far into the nightwith the kerosene lamp glowing.
丙丁兔
We would shut the door before sunset when it was blowing hard, snuggle under layers right after the supper and listen to the winds howling and lake water splashing. One of the rooms, set back against the mountain that suffered much less than the other rooms from the winds, was some sort of my study in which I would work into the late night by the oil lamp, keeping my hat brim down for warmth.
大王叫我来寻海
When the wind blew heavily, we closed the door before dark and went to bed after supper, listening to the roar of the sharp wind and the surge of the lake water quietly. The small rear room near the mount was my study, and wind there was the weakest, I often pulled down my hat and worked by the light of the oil lamp late into the night.
Good good study, Day day up.
加油(ω)
有梦想,就去追吧~
愿以此文,敬奉给每一个旅人,加油(ω)