The topic is the same as a book which records some stories about patients striving for life against cancer. It just ran into my mind as I felt so vicious a pain that hit my right side of my belly in this afternoon.
I became so scared that I even sobbed with laughter, this time was different from the usual"oh shit I fucked up", I was thinking about whther had I got appendicitis which has the same symptom as I had, and whther it's inevitable for me to go to the hospital for operation or surgery on my own.
I don't feel like hating doing many things alone, however, excluding going to the hospital.That place is just horrible, where only people suffering from sth are around you. The air is filled with sadness, passimisim and even desparation. Hospital is the least place I want to go on my own after I became an adult.
I became worried about the contigent surgery, the extra fees and time that would be cost.But the most I've been thinking about all the time was the procedure of going to the hospital and having the whole medical thing on my own.
It feels like I am going to be faced with sth that I can never work through.
I feel like not being able to make it.However the thought of death stimulated me at the same time as it freaked me out.
What's more ironically is that the film I saw in the morning was also relevant to death.
However compared with going to the hospital alone I am more scared of death I suppose.
Then I began searching for the info about hospitals around school, in this city I stayed less than a year. I was such a paradox when doing those search as I don't want to go to that fucking place at all.
A moment later I turned to my mom for help, calling her and telling her the assumption I've got without any disguise or covering about the whole mess.
To my surprise she was 10 times more calm than I was, after the call I became much better, mentally and physically.
Then by the time I walked into the washroom, looking the alter-self in the mirror, I put my hand on the belly and said a "thank you" with gratitude and sincere to my body, which was really mistreated this week.
I hope all will be fine with myself and maybe it's an alert for me to get rid of taking too much sugar or food during a day.
Anyway, no matter what will happen after this moment. I will pay more attention to the beauty of our life.
