2022-01-14

I dreamt of staying at my grandparents' house. They're still living there, alone. I was going to leave for somewhere else, and I couldn't remember my purpose of travel. I could recall that they were helping me to pack up. Well I have too many things. I should give them some gift although they asked for nothing. There were bread and other food and stuff. I couldn't carry everything at all. It was just like always: whenever you are leaving home, you find that you?have too much stuff in your bag. It's almost like carrying home with you. You have too many material possessions but no sauce for the closest family member. I could hear grandma talked about?the noise of people playing mahjong all night  and other irrigating facts. They were so caring about me. And I now realize how fortunate I have been. I decided to leave them the bread and felt a bit sorry because part of the bread has been bitten by me. My grandpa did all the?necessary things forme and for the house. As always he didn't speak too much. He used to remark the days of his youth,  without telling further details. Luckily,  father repeatedly tells?me the days when he was young. Every morning, he would be urged by grandma to get up and push the grind. Then he would grind corn with grandpa, otherwise there's nothing to eat. During the daytime, he would herd the sheep for?the production team. Because my grandparents were illiterate ,  they knew nothing about the record kept by the team's accountant. And they constantly had nothing or meagre food to eat. Things weren't improved until my father joined the army,  so that they can hot the average ration in the village and my uncles and aunts could get a decent education. Years later when my?youngest uncle couldn't enter a university, he chose to join the army as well and he became a cadre and nowadays he has a life like a landlord by renting thousands of aquare miles of fields in remote areas. I am grateful for all the arrangements because?they survived to a great extent. And my third uncle also joined the army and got married but he died of an infection after an accident of drunk driving of a carriage. Before he departed this life ,  I had memories because I urged my parents to being me to see him. I saw him and he looked like other uncles, my sixth uncle perhaps. And my cousins and I like to eat some berries growing on their walls and suck the melt snow from the needles of piled pine branches. We used to have a great time by jumping on the branch stacks like these days when kids are enjoying themselves on a trampoline. When my third uncle was gone and his wife remarried with a daughter brought with her when she married my third uncle. I remembered my grandpa made some offerings in front of the grave of my third uncle and murmured something after drawing a cross on the ground. It was like my uncle should enjoy the benefits of his provision. When my father and I went to the graveyards of my grandparents and uncle last time,  my father would draw a circle around the graveyard and burn the offerings. And he would also take some burning paperwork out and said that was for those wandering ones. I would just chant Namas Amitabha.

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