忙碌且充实的9月，不知不觉中已然溜走。值得欣喜的是，在工作间隙，仍然挤时间完成了我在人广头马的第4篇，履行了刚加入头马时，和自己定下的每个月一篇演讲稿的约定。
背景介绍：头马是国际性非盈利演讲俱乐部（Toastmasters International. TM. ）中文简称，致力于提高会员公共演说能力和领导能力。在公众演讲能力（Public Speaking）部分，TM会提供“会员演讲手册”。其中CC手册中就包含了10个目标（Project）, 每个目标都要通过一个演讲来完成。
第一部分：演讲目标解读
P4的目标是“How To Say It”,即通过运用修辞手法，赋予语言力量，使得演讲更加生动有趣，打动人心。手册里主要介绍了4种修辞手法，即比喻（Simile）,暗喻(Metaphor)，韵脚(Alliteration)，“3个的运用”（Triads:means a group of three. They might be threewords, three phrases and three sentences.）。
熟悉演讲目标之后，我当时的想法就是，既然P4主要针对的是语言，所以干脆就先抛开演讲演讲目标，像往常一样，第一步先写完一篇演讲稿。完成演讲稿之后，再打磨语言，每种修辞手法都至少使用一次，以完成P4的要求。
第二部分：演讲稿构思
我想要讲什么？
我应该怎么讲？
1. 我想要讲什么？
有一次跟资深头马会员Steven闲聊的时候，恰好提到：我小时候，我爸打过我一次，但是他从来不愿意承认。因为对他而言，这是一段痛苦而且后悔的经历，所以不愿意记起，也从内心希望我也能忘记这件事。通过这种假想的“自我欺骗”，减轻他的悔恨感。
然后Steven马上就说，这是一个非常好的演讲素材。我当时就楞了几秒，觉得Steven言之有理，所以我就开始回忆这件事，并一层一层解读我爸这个行为深层次的含义。从小到大，我爸就打过我一次，而且是扇耳光，当时我只有10岁。尽管已经是十几年前的事了，但是当时的场景我至今都觉得历历在目。
印象最深的有两点，一是我当时有点恃宠而骄，根本没有想到我爸会对我动手，所以哪怕已经感觉到爸爸正处于爆发的边缘，我依旧任性而为，继续无理取闹，因为我料定我爸不会打我。谁知，现实的耳光，啪地一声，打碎了我天真的幻想。
第二点是，我爸当时应该是冲动了，他自己都没有想到会狠心下手打我。打了我之后，他一句话都没说，一个人躲到阳台，抹眼泪去了。那一幕，真的很让人动容。想想看，一个中年男人，打了自己的女儿，然后自己也哭了。这件事，对于我和我爸两个人而言，就像一根刺扎在心里，会彼此原谅，但不可能遗忘。
在以后的日子里，我爸总是有意无意地假装很骄傲地说起：“女儿，我可从来都没打过你，对吧！”而我每次都会白他一眼，不说话，意思就是：我俩都心知肚明，你记得我也记得，何必自欺欺人呢？
想着想着，我突然意识到，其实我爸和我一样，从来没有忘记这件事，他之所以一再自欺欺人，不过是因为很后悔当年打我的冲动，他无法原谅对我的伤害，他希望我能忘记这件事，这样才能减轻他的痛苦。
想到这里，心里一紧，鼻子有点酸，就立刻决定用这个故事作为我的P4演讲。此时，距离我的P4演讲日期，仅剩4天，我总是在最后关头，临时更换演讲题目，早已习惯了这样的last minute挑战。
2. 我应该怎么讲
在设计这个演讲的过程中，我一直绞尽脑汁思考，到底应该怎么讲。怎么才能把“我爸打了我，因为他很后悔，所以就一直不承认，假装遗忘”这句话，发展成一个7分钟的演讲呢？
我当时的想法就是，我希望我的演讲能做到，一开始让听众笑，中间让听众反思，最后抓心听众的心，最好能讲到听众哭。所以，我很快就确定了演讲采用倒叙的方式，第一幕先重现我爸一遍又一遍“逼问”我，不承认打我的场景。目的是，通过吐槽我爸糟糕的记忆，引出演讲内容，并且设计一些幽默的元素，让听众“笑”。同时，因为这次演讲的内容是一个大家都很熟悉的事儿，所以在开头决定采用提问的方式，拉近距离。
开头确定好后，为了让故事讲得更加丰盈，我决定把“一件事”拆开成“两条线”来写。故事的第一部分，重点在我爸。他打了我，他不承认，因为他没办法原谅他自己，这是他的悔恨；故事的第二部分，重点在我。我挨了打，我记得我爸扬起的巴掌，却绝口不提挨打的原因，因为我没办法原谅我自己，这是我的悔恨。
一个故事两条线，最后交在一个点，即升华主旨：生而为人，我们总会犯错，原谅他人，原谅自己，让过往的伤痛随风而逝 (We are human-beings. We make mistakes. Forgive others, forgive ourselves, let the pain gone with the wind)
第三部分：复盘与反思
首先，我觉得这次演讲我的素材很棒，总体而言也是比较满意的。但是，做完这篇演讲回头看时，仍然有很多不足的地方：
1.P4的目标可以再加强一些。就是虽然我有意识地在套用修辞，但是不够。有些地方，如果语言再打磨一下，效果会更好。比如，结尾我没有采用“Triads”，仅仅是对2个的运用，不够有力度，也不利于听众记住。（这也是我的IE Steven的建议）
2.对比不够突出。这次有点遗憾的是“两条线”的运用，效果不如预期。下次再做的时候，需要呼应得更明显更清晰一些，才能达到环环相扣的效果。
3.舞台表现得不够到位。虽然P4对肢体语言和演讲的语音语调，还没有特别要求，但是我明显感觉到我的语音语调以及肢体语言的呈现不足，影响了我期待的演讲效果。所以最后虽然很多听众都表示很触动，但是没有一个被我讲哭。可以理解，我自己都没有完全进入情境，自己都没哭，又怎能听众能像我肚子的蛔虫，完完全全了解我想讲的故事呢？
最后附上我的P4英文演讲稿，记录我的成长历程。
【Speech Title】My Father’s Regret
【Project Level】CC 4
【Location】People Square Toastmaster Club
【Date】September 19th, 2017
Part 1 (引）
Dear Toastmaster and all the guests, when you were a child, have you ever been hit by your parents? As a parent, have you ever hit your children? （开头提问）
In my memory, my dad hit me once. But in dad's memory, he never hit me. （笑点）
I can’t remember how many times he said to me with pride,“My darling daughter, I’ve never hit you. Right?”
I also can’t remember how many times I replied to him with impatience, “My dear Daddy, you’ve hit me once. I told you 10-thousand times already!” （笑点）
That is my dad. He hit me, but he never accepted it. All he did is asking me this question again and again and again. I just wondered maybe I should suggest him to go to a doctor （笑点）, not me, for his poor memory.
Part 2 （起）
When I was 10 years old, my father hit me in my face. Surprised how come I still remember that kind of thing happened at my 10 years old? You know, I am always the apple in my father’s eyes （明喻）. He spoiled me, protected me, educated me, but never hit me （“三”的运用，但是演讲效果并不好）, until I was 10. I almost forget what I did to irritate him, but I just couldn’t forget his hand smacking my face.
At that moment, everything just happened so fast. I was totally shocked. I couldn’t believe that my dad, the man who loves me most in the world, hit me, hit me so hard, hit me so hard in my face! All of a sudden, helpless, hopeless, powerless （“三”的运用，helpless, hopeless, powerless,效果很不错）, feeling abandoned by the whole world, I was filled with grief and burst into crying.
It was the first time my dad hit me. It’s also the only time my dad hit me. How come I could forget this miserable scene.
Part 3 （承）
One night my dad came back home in drunk. You know, drunkard always talk a lot （笑点）. He held my hand and kept apologizing to me. I was so tired of his nonsense and almost lost my temper.
And then he talked about the fight happened that day. He suddenly burst into crying, like a baby （暗喻）. All he said to me was “sorry, sorry,sorry…” If times could go back, he would never do it. He blamed himself, abused himself, hated himself （“三”的运用）. At that moment, I was so touched. I totally understood all the things. He remembered every single detail on that day. He pretended to forget it, because he couldn’t forgive himself. He just tried to erase the terrible scene from his memory, also from my memory. But the more you want to forget, the better you remember. He suffered all the time. （这句话与下一段“我”的心理呼应）
Part 4 （转）
Then I began to recall that day. Did I really forget what I did to irritate my dad? No, I remember every single detail happened that day. I abused my grandfather, the man who loved my dad most in the world. I pretended to forget my part, because I couldn’t forgive myself for the hurt I caused to my grandfather. But the more you want to forget, the better you remember. I suffered it as my dad. （这句话与上一段“爸爸”的心理呼应）
Part 5 （合）
My dad hit me when I was 10 years old.
He raised his hand, smacked in the face. Everything just happened so fast. He couldn’t believe what he did. He was shocked. The tears coursed down his cheeks.
He hit me, and he cried.
Part 6 （结尾升华）
Dear toastmasters and all the guests, when you were a child,have you ever been hit by your parents? As a parent, have you ever hit your children? （呼应开头） Have you regret it even once? Or you just pretend to forget the hurt you caused, as my dad, as me. （呼应主题）
But what I want to say is: Nobody can be perfect. We are human-beings.We make mistakes. Forgive others, forgive ourselves. Let the pain gone with wind. (结尾力度欠缺）
