四
许生闻讯如吃当头一棒，人也懞了，声也哑了，跌跌撞撞跑到家。父亲已咽了气，母亲哭得泪人似的，两个小侄子也在一旁哇哇大哭。床前炉子里燃着纸钱，床头香炉香烟缭绕，豆大灯光忽明忽暗，看去实在令人悲伤。许生扑到床上，大叫了几声“爹”，见气也没了，手也冷了，便双膝跪了下去。想起父亲一生的奋斗，想起父亲对自己的教养，觉得有许多对不住父亲的地方，就象万刀钻心，眼泪不禁簌簌滚落下来。
母亲含着泪，给子孙后輩挂了麻孝，对许生说：“也别哭了，快给你爹净了身，换上寿衣吧，再过些时候手脚就僵硬了。”
在抹身的时候，许生看父亲全身上下只剩一把骨头，一张巴巴皱皱的皮松松裹着，眼泪又涌了出来。想：“这或许就是人一生的意义和价值了。人从娘肚子里溜出来，靠了父母的血汗，长成这副骨架，然后靠了这副骨架去奋斗，去吃苦，又用血汗去哺育别的一些骨架，再让它们去奋斗，去吃苦。这之中始终存在一种祈盼，盼望它们会比自己过得好。这样一代代哺育下去，盼望下去，结果都载着这身骨架，或老死床箦上，或鏖战血泊里，或病倒在街头。这就构成了人生的全部。如果上天知道这情形，会作何遐想呢？……”
母亲知道儿子的意思，泣泪道：“你爹这輩子算是对得住你们子孙了，为了你们，吃进嘴里的巴不得吐出来，穿在身上的巴不得剝下来，一年到头哪里有个空闲日子。说只要你们有出息，自己就是累死、苦死也值得。年老了又受几个孙子的拖累，一天几两米也不能全下肚子，说他们正是长身体的时候……”母亲嚎啕大哭起来，又哽咽着嘱咐老伴，“许生他爹，许生为你抹身子、换衣服，你手脚松软一些吧。这身衣服在生你舍不得穿，现在你就穿了去做客吧。你一生也穷怕了，到那边别忘了投个有吃有穿的人家。你一生修善积德，疼爱子孙，为子孙受尽了苦，操碎了心，到那边，你要时时刻刻照看好一家大小，保佑儿孙万事顺心，岁岁平安……”话到伤心处又呜呜哭了起来。
父亲歿后，很有些亲戚陆续前来烧香祭奠。堂兄报丧时一面也就借粮，他们虽然借不出，但却把自己的口粮带了来，有的一斤的，有的两斤的，说本来这点米拿不出手，但到月尾，实在没有办法。许生打开米缸一看，也只剩几把米，急得象热锅上的蚂蚁。便去找队长通融，要求提前发放下月口粮。队长十分同情，说：“你便写个报告，我代你拿到大队去批，然后把粮送到你家里去。不过这点粮也派不上多少用场，你也去你单位想想法子吧。”
按照当时规定，学校职工家庭发生什么天灾人祸、生老病死，上面会给一定的困难补助。许生回到家里又写了几个报告，分别向学校、粮站申请钱粮。报告提呈上去审批，校长看也不看，板着脸冷冷道：“放着吧，等你把与孟若芬的问题交待清楚以后再说吧！”
许生万万没有料到校长会在这样的时候给人扎刀子，也不哼声，知道理论也无益，拿起报告就走。
“你往哪去？”校长十分意外。
“到县里找局长。”
“找他干什么？”
“禿子头上的虱子明摆着，人死在床板上，耽搁不起，看局里有无法子。”
校长听说要找局长，暗暗吃了一惊，知道自己分明是给人小鞋穿，道理搬不上桌面，如果在局里把情况传扬开去，反坏了自己名声，便变过脸色来，说：“你也不用往局里跑。这样告诉你吧，即使局长同意，也得我签字盖章。我也知道你急用钱，这样吧，这里先给你批了，你的问题待以后再处吧。”便在几个报告上歪歪斜斜地写了意见。许生拿了报告又东奔西颠地找了半天人，总算凑得人民币五十元，大米指标三十斤，食油二斤。又找几个老师帮忙借教工互储金。开始也顺利，到后来校长也就警惕起来，执意不肯了。说：“这就奇怪了，这些天怎么大家的困难一齐挤了来，怕是受人利用吧？”折腾半天，待借款人好话说尽，保证再三，校长才在犹豫中慢慢端起笔来，警告说：“我丑话说在前头，要是真的受人利用，让我查出来，别说我下手无情……”
出殡那天早上，天空阴沉得可怕，象是要下大雨的样子；寒鸦拖着长音一遍又一遍地从头顶上掠过。灵柩停放在门前的小道上，柩头祭桌上，白烛流了一身的泪，烛光在风里摇摇曳曳；头边饭堆得结实高耸，这是母亲的特别交代，说老头子一生馋饭，要让他吃饱了上路；祭肉便是许生托人买的那块，如今和着几条薄皮鱼、一只雄鸡，一并作了三牲。老人生前口无福禄，现在让他好好享用，也不枉来人世一遭。母亲迎着寒风趴在棺材头上，呜呜咽咽，哭诉老伴生前的许多苦处，又千叮咛万嘱咐，交待西归以后要保护子孙。旁边四邻八舍看热闹的人一边劝，一边也禁不住流出许多眼泪。
屋里正在用饭。厅堂上首两桌坐着抬柩的人。许生戴着全孝，拖着两个小侄子逐桌跪拜，尽孝子之道。跪拜完毕，许生泪流满面说：“多亏大家帮忙了，我许生也算是个不肖之子，父亲殡葬还要大家带粮食，饭也供不上一餐，这是没有过的事，我也羞愧难当。大家的好意和恩情我许生会铭记在心，有朝一日情况好了，我当十倍奉还。如果我手上办不到，我的两个侄子也理当负起父輩的责任……”话到此处再也说不下去，一头倒拜下去，不禁呜呜哭出声来。
“这是哪里的话，”队长急忙走下桌来，扶起许生，说，“你也不必太自责了，谁家还没个困难的时候。亲帮亲邻帮邻嘛。粮食你也不必提偿还的事，别说半斤一斤，再多一些又怎样呢！”
“是呀，偿还的事说也说不得，这是什么时候，要是头个三五年，谁家不多个千把八百，婚丧吉难，谁还图个带粮？”
“那还用说，只是愁没那么大的肚子。”
“别提那个时候的事了，那是皇帝的女儿给做了老婆，现在还想呀……”
队长看大家七嘴八舌扯得没遮没拦了，阻止说：“好了，不说这个了，我知道乌鸦嘴不会有好话，不要无事惹事自找麻烦。”
“惹事又怎么样？渴了口焦，饿了心焦，说句实心话也怕这怕那，我看你也是尿变的……”
许生草草办完丧事，已近期末。学校一边准备复习考试，一边搞教师年终鉴定。鉴定之前自然先造声势，贴标语，挂横幅，斗右派；然后发动写大字报，逐个进行梳理：无问题或少问题的先上，好让他们放下包袱，轻装上阵；最后集中火力，穷追猛打。孟若芬看许生的大字报愈来愈多，条条似钢刀，张张如排炮，心里终日颤颤的，十分惶恐。悄悄对许生说：“看来这次是不会放过你了，你也当作好思想准备。”许生说：“什么准备？栏里的猪，砧上的肉，任其处置罢了。”
这一天终究到来。校长倒显得轻松得意了。宣布说：“今天继续鉴定。大家都是了解的，也不用来个先自鉴后民鉴的规矩，不过有一点要注意，那就是根据‘言者无罪，闻者足戒’的原则办事，做到‘知无不言，言无不尽’。大家好比是医生，医生就应当治病救人，对病人负责；作为病人也就要坦诚，配合医生，切不可讳疾忌医，那是没有好处的。要相信医生，相信群众，相信大家的眼力。前面已有先例，我们不搞按领导意图排名，谁来都行，只要求目标集中一些，鉴一个是一个，不要东一榔头西一棒的。好了，我就说这么几句。谁先发言……”
“我说……”有几个人差不多同时发出一个声音，看去热烈而有秩序。
校长笑了笑，向旁边一指：“好，你先说，话简单而明确些。”
一个长得有点滑稽、开口便笑的人站了起来，脸朝天花板说：“我问你，夜里楼板颤颤地抖，你在干什么呀？”
“你在问谁呀？”校长的脸阴沉下来。
“问谁，问许生呀……”
“岂有此理！人有名姓，勺子有柄，你大概喝了懵懂汤了。”大家哄地大笑起来。校长立刻制止，敲着桌面说，“严肃严肃！接着来吧——”
“请问许老师，听说你深更半夜把女老师带出去，这是为什么？”一个瘦而高的老师说。
“今天是怎么了？”校长生气地站了起来，“你们用词也当有个分寸，什么‘请问’，什么‘听说’，这是什么讲究？是请客吃饭？是女人绣花？这是治病救人，懂吗？！当针灸的针灸，当开刀的开刀，躲躲闪闪这叫为病人负责吗？我们共产党人‘是’就‘是’，‘非’就‘非’，一针见血，毫不含糊。这里我向许生提一点，这一点我大字报也来不及写。你父亲死时，你不是写了三个报告吗？一个钱，一个粮，一个油。我不明白，你为什么在申请钱的报告上写：‘家中一贫如洗，为埋葬父亲已经到了要拍卖破烂的地步。’又在油的报告上写，‘家里连照灵的油也没有’。这是什么意思？你在诉谁的苦？社会主义在你心目中是怎样的位置？你为什么对共产党的领导这样刻骨仇恨？回答吧！”校长威严地坐了下去。
“回答吧！”有几个人帮着腔，听那声音，好象里面就要冒出火花。
许生站了起来，不紧不慢地说：“校长的开场白说得清楚，大家是医生，为的是治病救人。既然这样，我作为一个病人也请允许说说病情。我没有象各位说的那些病。在我心目中，共产党赛过爹娘，共产主义是我的理想。至于我说了什么做了什么，事实自然不容我狡辩。我现在唯一的要求是请校长将我的那三个报告拿出来，放在光天之下，让大家审视审视。我坚信党的实事求是精神。”
校长的脸变换着色彩，很有点如坐针毡的样子。
“我看你就是狡赖。如此说来，是校长冤枉你了？！”那张滑稽脸现在倒不滑稽了，眼睛睁得圆圆的，里面好象要杀出两把刀来。
“有则改之、无则加勉嘛，难道你是个什么缺点什么错误都没有的完人？”那个高而瘦的声音有点发澀。
校长的意图没有得逞，十分恼火。既然有人帮腔，便趁势一拍桌子道：“许生是个老运动员，老扎得很，态度极为惡劣。他是不见棺材不流泪的，大家也不用多费口舌。这样吧，关于对许生的鉴定今晚就进行到这里。许生别自鸣得意打错算盘，頑固到底是没有好处的。现在你可以离开会场了。”
许生离开会场之后，矛头便对准了孟若芬。校长的意思倒不是想整治她——一个代课的人叫滚就得滚，算什么？——只是想从她的身上打开一个缺口，从中挖出许生的一些东西来。哪怕是寻得个蛛丝马迹也好。便说：“大家看清楚了吧，许生是个怎样的人也不用我来细说，大家会愈来愈看得清楚。很明显，要想他老老实实接受问题交代问题是不可能的，我们要丟掉幻想；不过不要紧，民主意见不在乎他个人态度怎么样。他恶劣，他对抗，我们就怕了？就放过他啦？不！这样的人我见多了。他表面強硬，内心空虚。他的问题很多，政治的，思想的，工作的，思想的，作风的，有的是观点、立场问题。大家决不可掉以轻心。奇怪的是有些人分明对许生十分了解，为什么不肯站出来说几句话，脚根站到那方面去了？！……”
校长这一导向，大家十分明白。……
正在使用发音
four
When Xu Sheng heard the news, he was stunned and dumb. He stumbled home. The father had swallowed his anger, the mother cried like tears, and the two little nephews were crying. The paper money is burning in the stove in front of the bed, the incense stove at the head of the bed is filled with cigarettes, and the bean light is bright and dark. It looks really sad. Xu Sheng threw himself on the bed and shouted "Dad". Seeing that his breath was gone and his hands were cold, he knelt down on his knees. When I think of my father's life's struggle and his upbringing, I feel that there are many places I can't feel sorry for my father, just like ten thousand knives pierce my heart, and tears can't help rolling down.
With tears in her eyes, her mother hung Ma Xiao for her children and grandchildren and said to Xu Sheng, "don't cry, either. Clean your father and put on his shroud. After a while, his hands and feet will be stiff."
While wiping his body, Xu Sheng saw that there was only a handful of bones left in his father's whole body. A wrinkled skin was wrapped loosely, and tears welled up again. Think: "This may be the meaning and value of a person's life. People slip out of their mother's belly and grow into this skeleton by relying on the blood and sweat of their parents. Then they rely on this skeleton to struggle and endure hardship. They use their blood and sweat to feed other skeletons, and then let them struggle and endure hardship. There is always a kind of hope that they will live better than themselves. If they feed and hope for this from generation to generation, they will carry this skeleton, Or die on the bed, or fight in a pool of blood, or fall ill in the street. This constitutes the whole of life. If God knew this, what would he do?... "
The mother knew what her son meant, "Your father is right for your children and grandchildren in his life. For you, he wants to spit what he eats in his mouth and peel what he wears off. There is no free day all year round. He said that as long as you are promising, you are worth dying of fatigue and hardship. When you are old and dragged down by several grandchildren, you can't eat all your stomach for several meters a day, saying that they are just the time to grow up..." his mother cried, He choked and told his wife, "Xu Sheng is his father. Xu Sheng wipes your body and changes clothes for you. Your hands and feet should be soft. You can't bear to wear these clothes when you're alive. Now you can wear them as a guest. You've been poor and afraid all your life. Don't forget to join a family where you can eat and wear. You've cultivated virtue all your life, loved your children and grandchildren, suffered a lot for your children and grandchildren, and broke your heart. When you go there, you should take care of the size of the family all the time, and protect your children and grandchildren from everything and peace all the year round..." When the words reached the sad place, he sobbed again.
After his father died, many relatives came to burn incense in succession. When the cousin reported the funeral, they borrowed food. Although they couldn't borrow it, they brought their own rations, some one kilogram and some two kilos. They said they couldn't take this rice, but there was no way to do it at the end of the month. When Xu Sheng opened the rice jar, there were only a few handfuls of rice left. He was as anxious as an ant on a hot pot. He went to the captain for accommodation and asked for the distribution of next month's rations in advance. The captain was very sympathetic and said, "write a report and I'll get it to the brigade for you, and then send the grain to your home. However, this grain is not of much use. Go to your unit and find a way."
According to the regulations at that time, the staff and families of the school will be given certain difficulties and subsidies in case of natural and man-made disasters, birth, old age and death. When Xu Sheng returned home, he wrote several reports and applied for money and grain from the school and grain station. When the report was submitted for approval, the headmaster didn't look at it. He said coldly, "put it away until you explain your problems with Meng ruofen!"
Xu Sheng never expected that the headmaster would stab people at such a time without humming. Knowing that theory was useless, he picked up the report and left.
"Where are you going?" The headmaster was very surprised.
"Go to the county to find the director."
"What are you looking for him for?"
"The lice on the bald head are obvious. People die on the bed board and can't afford to delay. See if there is a way in the Bureau."
The headmaster was surprised when he heard that he was looking for the director. He knew that he was clearly giving people small shoes, and the truth could not be put on the table. If he spread the situation in the Bureau, it would damage his reputation. He turned his face and said, "you don't have to run to the Bureau. Let me tell you, even if the director agrees, I have to sign and seal. I also know that you are in urgent need of money. In this way, I'll give you approval first, and your problem will be dealt with later." He wrote his opinions askew on several reports. Xu Sheng took the report and ran around looking for people for a long time. Finally, he got 50 yuan, 30 kilograms of rice and 2 kilograms of cooking oil. He asked several teachers to help borrow the mutual savings of teaching staff. At first, it went well. Later, the headmaster became vigilant and refused. He said, "it's strange. How come everyone's difficulties are crowded together these days? I'm afraid they will be used by others?" After tossing around for a long time, after the borrower said all the good words and promised again and again, the headmaster slowly picked up his pen in hesitation and warned: "my ugly words are ahead. If they are really used, let me find out, don't say I'm ruthless..."
On the morning of the funeral, the sky was gloomy and terrible, as if it was going to rain heavily; The Jackdaw dragged a long sound over and over his head. The coffin was parked on the path in front of the door. On the coffin head sacrifice table, the white candle shed tears, and the candle light swayed in the wind; The rice piled up at the head was strong and towering, which was a special explanation from his mother. He said that the old man was greedy for food all his life and wanted to let him eat enough and go on the road; The sacrificial meat is the one that Xu Sheng entrusted to buy. Now it has been made into three animals together with several thin skinned fish and a rooster. The old man had no fortune before his death. Now let him enjoy it well. It's not worth a lifetime. Facing the cold wind, the mother lay on the head of the coffin, sobbing, crying about her wife's many hardships before her death, and told her to protect her children after returning to the West. The spectators nearby couldn't help crying while persuading them.
The house is having dinner. At the first two tables in the hall sat people carrying coffins. Wearing full filial piety, Xu Sheng dragged his two little nephews to kneel down table by table and did his best to be a filial son. After kneeling down, Xu Sheng burst into tears and said, "thanks to everyone's help, I Xu Sheng is also an unworthy son. My father has to bring food for everyone at the funeral, and I can't afford a meal. It's unprecedented, and I'm ashamed. I'll bear in mind your kindness and kindness. When things get better one day, I'll give it back ten times. If I can't do it, my two nephews should also take the responsibility of their parents..." At this point, I couldn't speak any more. I bowed down and couldn't help sobbing.
"Where is this?" the captain hurried down the table, picked up Xu Sheng and said, "you don't have to blame yourself. Who hasn't had a difficult time. Help your neighbors. You don't have to mention the repayment of grain. Don't mention half a kilo, what if there's more!"
"Yes, it's hard to say about the repayment. When is this? If there aren't more than one thousand eight hundred in the first three or five years, and it's difficult for weddings and funerals, who wants to bring food?"
"Needless to say, I'm just worried that I don't have such a big stomach."
"Don't mention what happened at that time. It was the emperor's daughter who became a wife. Now I still want to..."
The captain looked at everyone's gossip and stopped and said, "well, don't say this. I know crow's mouth won't have good words. Don't ask for trouble without trouble."
"What if you get into trouble? You're thirsty and hungry. You're afraid of this and that when you say a solid word. I think you're also pissed..."
Xu Sheng hastily finished the funeral and is nearing the end of the term. While preparing for the review examination, the school carries out the year-end appraisal of teachers. Before the appraisal, naturally build momentum, stick slogans, hang banners and fight the right; Then start writing big character newspapers and sort them out one by one: those who have no or few problems go first, so that they can put down their burden and go to battle light; Finally, concentrate the fire. Meng ruofen watched more and more of Xu Sheng's big character newspapers, with strips like steel knives and Zhang Zhang like firecrackers. Her heart trembled all day and was very frightened. Quietly said to Xu Sheng, "it seems that you will not be spared this time. You should also be well prepared." Xu Sheng said, "what preparation? The pigs in the fence and the meat on the anvil are just at their disposal."
This day will come eventually. The headmaster looked relaxed and proud. Announced: "Today, we will continue to appraise. We all understand this, and we don't need to follow the rule of self-examination before the people's examination. However, we should pay attention to one thing, that is, we should act according to the principle of" those who speak are innocent, and those who hear are full of caution ", and achieve the principle of" saying everything we know and saying everything we say ". We are like doctors. Medical students should treat and save people and be responsible to patients; as patients, we should be honest and cooperate with doctors, and we must not hide and avoid doctors, which is not good. We should be consistent with each other Believe in doctors, the masses and your eyesight. There are precedents ahead. We don't rank according to the intention of leaders. Anyone can come. We only need to focus on some goals, learn from one, and don't hammer one in the East and one in the West. Well, that's all I say. Who will speak first... "
"I said..." several people made a voice almost at the same time, which looked warm and orderly.
The headmaster smiled and pointed to the side, "OK, you say it first. Be simple and clear."
A funny man stood up and said to the ceiling, "I ask you, the floor trembles at night. What are you doing?"
"Who are you asking?" The headmaster's face darkened.
"Ask who, ask Xu Sheng..."
"That's unreasonable! People have names and spoons with handles. You may have drunk ignorant soup." Everyone roared with laughter. The headmaster stopped at once, knocked on the table and said, "serious! Come on -"
"Excuse me, Mr. Xu. I heard you took the female teacher out in the middle of the night. Why?" A thin and tall teacher said.
"What happened today?" The headmaster stood up angrily, "You should also have a sense of propriety in your use of words, such as" excuse me "and" I heard ". What's the stress? Is it a dinner treat? Is it a woman's embroidery? This is healing and saving people, okay?! when acupuncture and moxibustion is acupuncture and moxibustion, when the knife is open, dodging, is it responsible for the patient? Our Communists' yes' is' yes' and 'no' is' no ', which is straight to the point and unambiguous. Here I mention to Xu Sheng, and I'll give a big character newspaper on this There's no time to write. Didn't you write three reports when your father died? One money, one grain, one oil. I don't understand why you wrote in your application report: 'the family is as poor as a rag. It's time to auction rags for the burial of your father.' The oil report also said, "there is no oil for spiritual illumination at home.". What's the meaning of this? Who are you complaining about? What is the position of socialism in your mind? Why do you hate the leadership of the Communist Party so much? Answer! " The headmaster sat down with dignity.
"Answer!" A few people helped the chamber and listened to the sound as if sparks were about to appear inside.
Xu Sheng stood up, Take it easy to say: "The headmaster's opening remarks made it clear that everyone is a doctor in order to cure the disease and save people. In that case, as a patient, please allow me to talk about my illness. I don't have the diseases you said. In my mind, the Communist Party is better than my parents, and communism is my ideal. As for what I said and did, the facts naturally allow me no sophistry. My only request now is to ask the headmaster to take out my three reports and put them in the light Next, let's look at it. I firmly believe in the party's spirit of seeking truth from facts. "
The headmaster's face changed colors and looked a little like a needle on pins and needles.
"I think you are cunning. So, the headmaster wronged you?!" That funny face is not funny now. Its eyes are wide open. It seems that two knives are going to be killed in it.
"Change what you have and encourage what you don't have. Are you a perfect person without any shortcomings and mistakes?" The tall, thin voice was a little astringent.
The headmaster was very annoyed that his intention failed. Since someone helped, he patted the table and said, "Xu Sheng is an old athlete. He is very old and has a very bad attitude. He doesn't shed tears when he doesn't see the coffin, and we don't have to waste more words. Well, the appraisal of Xu Sheng will be here tonight. Don't be complacent. It's no good to be stubborn. Now you can leave the venue."
After Xu Sheng left the meeting, he aimed at Meng ruofen. The headmaster doesn't mean to punish her - what's a substitute who has to roll if he asks to roll—— I just want to open a gap in her body and dig out some things of Xu Sheng. Even if you find a clue. He said: "Let's see clearly. I don't need to elaborate on what kind of person Xu Sheng is. Everyone will see more and more clearly. Obviously, it's impossible for him to accept and explain problems honestly, and we have to lose our illusions; but it doesn't matter. Democratic opinions don't care about his personal attitude. He's bad, he confronts, we're afraid? Let him go? No! I've seen many such people. He's tough on the surface and empty in the heart. He has many problems, political, ideological, working, ideological and style, and some are views and positions. We must not take it lightly. It's strange that some people clearly know Xu Sheng very well. Why don't they stand up and say a few words and stand on that side?!... "
The headmaster's guidance is well understood
重点词汇释义
闻讯hear the news
当头一棒a head-on blow; deal a direct blow at
跌跌撞撞dodder along; stagger along; stumbling along; totteringly
哇哇cry
纸钱paper made to resemble money and burned as an offering to the dead
香烟缭绕The smoke of incense rose in volutes; coiling incense smoke; Incense smoke curls up; The air was heavy with the aromatic perfumes which rose on all sides in spirals of smoke from censers
忽明忽暗flicker
自己的self
钻心core-bit; web
簌簌rustle
————
