Reading---The Love Lab

How we communicate with our romantic partners can have a strong impact on the quality of our relationships. Psychologists John and Julie Gottman run the "Love Lab", where thousands of couples have been studied over the last 30 years. The purpose of their research is to determine the factors that lead to happy and unhappy relationships. From their data, they have concluded that contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are the most significant factors that can hurt a marriage or relationship.

PS: 我们与浪漫伴侣的沟通方式会对我们的关系质量产生很大的影响。心理学家John和Julie Gottman经营着“爱情实验室”，在过去的30年里，成千上万对情侣在这里进行了研究。他们研究的目的是确定导致幸福和不幸福关系的因素。从他们的数据中，他们得出结论，蔑视、批评、防御和阻挠是伤害婚姻或关系的最重要因素。

communicate with与…联系，与…交往; 与…相通

Psychologists心理学家; 心理学研究者; psychologist的复数

concluded断定; 推断出; 得出结论; 结束，终止; 达成，订立，缔结; conclude的过去分词和过去式

contempt蔑视; 轻蔑; 鄙视; 藐视，不顾

criticism批评; 批判; 责备; 指责; 评论文章，评论

stonewalling 英 [ˈstəʊnwɔːlɪŋ]  美 [ˈstoʊnwɔːlɪŋ] v.防守挡击(政治上指通过沉默或冗长发言等手段阻碍议事或拖延决议) stonewall的现在分词

significant有重大意义的; 显著的; 有某种意义的; 别有含义的; 意味深长的

factors因素; 要素; 因子; 因数; 数量，倍数; 把…因素包括进去; 分解…的因子，将…分解成因子; 以代理商的身份行事; 做代理商; factor的第三人称单数和复数

hurt疼痛，受伤; 感到疼痛; 使不快; 使烦恼; 受伤的; 心灵创伤; 委屈

marriage结婚; 婚姻; 婚姻生活; 已婚状态; 婚礼

Among these, contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce. People who feel contempt for their partner often convey disapproval without addressing the issue. They sometimes label their partner with insulting words such as "lazy" "stupid" or "emotional", which is particularly damaging.

PS: 其中，轻蔑是离婚的最大预兆。对伴侣感到蔑视的人往往在没有解决问题的情况下就表示不赞成。他们有时会用诸如“懒惰”“愚蠢”或“情绪化”之类的侮辱性字眼给伴侣贴上标签，这尤其有害。

contempt蔑视; 轻蔑; 鄙视; 藐视，不顾

predictor预测器; 预示物

convey表达，传递; 传送; 运送; 输送

disapproval不赞成; 反对

addressing写姓名地址; 致函; 演说; 演讲; 向…说话; address的现在分词

insulting  adj. 侮辱的; 有冒犯性的; 无礼的;  v辱骂; 侮辱; 冒犯; insult的现在分词 英 [ɪnˈsʌltɪŋ] 美 [ɪnˈsʌltɪŋ]

such as例如; 像; 象…这样; 诸如…之类

lazy不愿工作的; 懒散的; 懒惰的; 无精打采的; 懒洋洋的; 没下工夫的; 粗枝大叶的; 马虎的

damaging造成破坏的; 有害的; 损害的; 损害; 伤害; 毁坏; 破坏; damage的现在分词

Many couples try to address issues by criticizing their partner's flaws or mistakes directly. Being too direct with criticism can hurt your partner's self-esteem. Some people may react to criticism by becoming defensive and focused on winning the argument, rather than on improving themselves. Others may react to criticism by stonewalling, where they refuse to acknowledge and respond to their partner for a period of time. Unfortunately, fighting back or ignoring your partner can make it difficult to determine the root of your problems. If your partner feels that they aren't valued, it may lead to increased dissatisfaction with the relationship.

PS: 许多夫妇试图通过直接批评伴侣的缺点或错误来解决问题。对批评过于直接会伤害你伴侣的自尊。有些人可能会对批评做出反应，变得防御性，专注于赢得争论，而不是提高自己。另一些人可能会对批评做出反应，在一段时间内拒绝承认和回应伴侣。不幸的是，反击或忽视你的伴侣会使你很难确定问题的根源。如果你的伴侣觉得他们不受重视，这可能会导致他们对这段关系越来越不满。

criticizing批评; 批判; 挑剔; 指责; 评论; 评价; criticize的现在分词

partner配偶; 性伴侣; 合伙人; 搭档; 同伴; 舞伴; 结成伙伴，做搭档，配对

flaws 英 [flɔːz] 美 [flɔz] n. 错误;缺点;裂痕;裂隙;瑕疵;(性格上的)弱点 v. （缺陷）损害;削弱;使失效 flaw的第三人称单数和复数

defensive 英 [dɪˈfensɪv] 美 [dɪˈfensɪv] adj. 防御的;保护的;保卫的;戒备的;怀有戒心的;自卫的;防守的 n. 守势;防守

mistakes错误，失误; 错误，口误，笔误; 误会; 误解; 看错; mistake的第三人称单数和复数

directly直接地; 径直地; 坦率地; 正; 正好地; 恰好; 立即; 立刻; 一…就…

criticism批评; 批判; 责备; 指责; 评论文章，评论

hurt疼痛，受伤; 感到疼痛; 使不快; 使烦恼; 受伤的; 心灵创伤; 委屈

self-esteem自尊 英 [ˌself ɪˈstiːm] 美 [ˌself ɪˈstiːm]

The Gottmans maintain that being aware of these factors in communication is the first step to improving a relationship. It is important to acknowledge that all relationships have issues. The goal shouldn't be to avoid these issues, but to learn to resolve them. In particular, we should avoid communicating in ways that hurt our partner's self-esteem. It is better to discuss problems in a way that is less confrontational and can better help your partner sympathize with your perspective. For example, rather than saying "Why are you ignoring me? It's rude!", one could say "l feel hurt and undervalued when I don't get a response from you." By being conscious of how we communicate with our partner, we can begin to build a healthier relationship.

PS: 哥特曼人认为，在沟通中意识到这些因素是改善关系的第一步。必须承认，所有关系都有问题。目标不应该是避免这些问题，而是要学会解决它们。尤其是，我们应该避免以伤害对方自尊的方式进行交流。最好是用一种不那么对抗的方式来讨论问题，这样可以更好地帮助你的伴侣理解你的观点。比如，不要说“你为什么不理我？太粗鲁了！”，有人会说“当我没有得到你的回应时，我感到受到伤害和被低估了。”通过意识到我们如何与伴侣沟通，我们可以开始建立一种更健康的关系。

confrontational 英 [ˌkɒnfrʌnˈteɪʃənl] 美 [ˌkɑːnfrənˈteɪʃənl] adj. 对抗性的;挑起冲突的

perspective态度; 观点; 思考方法; 客观判断力; 权衡轻重的能力; 透视法

sympathize 英 [ˈsɪmpəθaɪz] 美 [ˈsɪmpəθaɪz] v. 同情;赞同;支持

undervalued 英 [ˌʌndəˈvæljuːd] 美 [ˌʌndərˈvæljuːd] v. 低估;对…认识不足;轻视 undervalue的过去分词和过去式

Exercises:

1.The tone of this passage is logical and insight .

2.What can make your partner feel like they are undervalued?

refusing to acknowledge and respond  to them

3.To sympathize with a perspective means to understand another person‘s feelings.

4.To confront  something means to face it.

5. What is the purpose of this passage?

It's to advise readers on how to identify and improve problems  in a relationship.

6. What is the purpose of the Gottman's research?

to identify characteristics of successful and unsuccessful relationships

7. Someone who is defensive in an argument will probably not admit fault.

8. To show contempt means to be disrespectful.

Fill in the blanks:

1. The Gottmans maintain that being aware of these factors in communication is the first step to improving a relationship. It is important to acknowledge that all relationships have issues. The goal shouldn't be to avoid these issues, but to learn to resolve them.

2. How we communicate with our romantic partners can have a strong impact on the quality of our relationships. Psychologists John and Julie Gottman run the "Love Lab", where thousands of couples have been studied over the last 30 years. The purpose of their research is to determine the factors that lead to happy and unhappy relationships. From their data, they have concluded that contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are the most significant factors that can hurt a marriage or relationship.

Repeat & Read Sentences:

1. It is important to acknowledge that all relationships have issues. 

2. Their research has given us insight into how to make our relationships better.

3. Stonewalling your partner can make them feel like they aren't valued.

4. Being too direct with criticism can hurt your partner's self-esteem.

5. l feel hurt and undervalued when I don't get a response from you.

6. The purpose of their research is to determine the factors that lead to happy and unhappy relationships.

7. By paying attention to how we communicate with our partner, we can begin to build a healthier relationship.

8. Telling somebody that they are too lazy would probably hurt their self-esteem.