第五天4.15am：
All these miseries caused by myself ！
IMD 和vipassana 道理一样，都是提升不同界面我们作为一个人！我应该结合both！
mind是一切来源，产生不仅仅consciousness 还有很多perception！
创业看到很多人的丑陋，还有自己丑陋; 都是自己问题，不够成功。
今天还是2am, 2.30, 3.00, 醒来！
昨天在6-7pm发生变化，一动不动1个小时，不可以睁眼和脊背必须挺直，开始从头到脚一遍遍observing，5分钟一次，看表时候6.40，之后4遍，开始有感觉，但不知道why。
7点讲座，开始喜欢这个老头，半夜梦见他，要和他说话，想起他去世了。
冥想的终极方式，gotama 在5岁时就冥想，父亲向他膜拜！35岁时冥想开悟，开始传播更多人，一直是菩提树下。banya树很神奇！
mind， verbal， physical， cause and effects都是关联的。但mind升起好与不好念头更决定karma！
Art of living and art of dying; going to be upgraded, why not happy，死是一件快乐的事。
He is sick, coughing but talking with passion and influencing power。葛印卡生病了吗？后来知道他其实1991录像时还不错，2013年去世！
第四天6点开始有感觉，知道自己很幸运；
compassion， compassion，out of misery 是终极解决方案。
Mind can not feel the sensation, too crossed; every part of body should feel it, 10 minutes each time, 10 inch of each.
I was deeply touched, the 4th day tape I want to have it; I want to be like him and give teaching and talk to inspire and help others like me in business world.
6.56pm：
I got so excited this is milestone on what I love to do: give talks on people health and happiness, combine what I learned in IMD, sadhguru and vipassana！
Health, fitness and mindfulness, all mindfulness now means a lot: mindful on food, on meaning of life, on difference of each individual, on how wonderful that life it is, on what caused all the miseries: ourselves, deep unconsciousness of our mind, which vipassana is a good tool to get rid of, in 2-3 days then practice at home.
Set up a team, with a few sales ladies, to kick off when I am back, which is alway what I love to do, in front of stage to inspire people, this has been image back to meditative stage of Sauna in DSM time, about when I am imaging what I love to do, now it is ready.
Mind to be calm, quite, alert and attentive, this is a difficult stage.
I got so inspired with all these, this morning 4:30 starting from concentrate in the head, I feel my yoga and my cava has contereffect that I am alert but also unconscious on body, a lot of parts I do not know even how and where it is existing.
I am going to write down as detailed as possible for future book and teaching; so I need be very attentive to all the learnings.
Chanting seems difficult for me now I can play Goenka sounds or Isha, for good reason I never felt so inspired with Sadhguru even I love his logic, but when I look at Goenka more and more I feel so close, that I want to be close to him and talk to him and he is so close to me as well.
I wonder if Steve Jobs meditation has come cross Vipassana, which obviously has good effect on human potential and good mindset, good cause, which I already give him good excuse on his asshole attitudes to his daughter and his team.
I can feel the same passion when G is talking in the video, he loves what he is giving and different when other Hindi guy is talking the same. I was deeply changed from yesterday; and look forward to the following 6 days. Now whatever happened in the past making perfect sense, if it is not because of poor business status I would not be so bored to come to India for one month; even I thought of learning on Buddha study for my next learning rather than DBA, which is so business, nothing wrong with business but on good cause that is what I want.
Nothing wrong with being happy, or taking happiness as priority, what I disagree is that founder has to live a miserable life and business has to be big no matter what u do.
I believe on good cause business, which we are doing; I made mistakes with the business start, which I suffered and now I should correct it from small to big things; tax, RM purity and even no lying which is so basic but difficult in business.
We can call it life style of good cause business.
It is so true when u are full alert, meditation can not fall in asleep, but most people can not get it; I should go for it to make influential people more healthier then more people in need; we have to influence minority in order to change majority.
I have advantage of speaking well both Chinese and English, let us start in China. If there is no meaningful things to do, no where is interesting enough.
I need get sales people to sell the course and writ up a complete curriculum, can try to get Yao help, the name of workshop is “viva la vida in all kinds of life”
洗完衣服了：事实上我把自己活得很健康，比较balance，但大多数人过的并不好；我并没有发挥自己优势，就是向更广阔人群分享知识，inspire other living a much healthier life. 可以写书，讲课，和修行并行，听起来不错，那就做呗。
葛谈到deep in our mind, all these causes of misery still exist, we can only decay all these fundamental unconsciousness 才可以move on；而vipassana就是observe it； 意识到是什么，可能是pain，因为意识到都是自己引起的，所有不好的事情，不成功的生意，糟糕的关系，都是自己一系列mind， verbal和行动造成。悉达多发现了解决所有misery方法，就是现在vipassana，我要找出葛师傅是如何发现的。看起来就是通过改变自己带动所有能量发生，环绕自己最好的mind，首先自己要修行好。目前我认可这个方式，如果每天一小时可以做到，替代中午的shambhavi，没有可能早晨再早起一个小时，而且太多mix，我需要找到合适的人做合适的事，如果需要瑜伽techer，或者vipassana guru可以找到，我要做的是把所有串联起来。应该继续拍一些domon的video，可以现场放。而且每个主题进一步细化，关于营养，关于健身，mindfulness，可以是2小时workshop，也可以是一个周末的实际练习，包括饮食，作息和瑜伽，打坐及分享。
IMD作用是什么，关于leadership，hostage，vulnerability，这些可以应用。
4.30开始，我先还是集中鼻腔三角地，必须要很专注才能感受到呼吸，调整坐姿到盘腿但不围绕，双手指尖结束，留意到自己手脚交接位置，开始留意头顶处，其实很困难，因为没有感觉，需要研究一下人体结构，尤其是背部。慢慢额头，其实是顶轮到额轮过程，眼睛鼻子嘴唇都好找，下巴，之后后脑勺，试图找到辫子地方，慢慢下移到颈部；之后感觉右侧脖筋慢慢延展到肩膀，很多不舒适反倒消失了，这就是葛强调的change，impermanance， equanimity? 平等？平常心？
其实昨天一个小时不动之后我都瘸了，晚上结束我问老师，是否可以用手碰没有感觉的地方，不行！
Purify the mind， away from craving，aversion and ignorance，这些我都有，craving for business success，aversion对自己，对其他人，没有意识到问题所在，揭示世界真相和体验：impermanence, suffering and egolessness， 我理解万事都不永远，一切在变动，试图egoless，但对于经历suffering还是无法完全理解，为什么必须是suffering，只有suffering才能指向enlighten吗？ 这个很难解释得通。
关于禁语，过午不食非常好，但在国内或人间比较难实现！其实我一直和自己密切对话，大脑杂乱无章运作，purify the mind确实有需要。
第五天，突然柳暗花明的感觉，赞！
9.07am
孔雀从我面前从容走过，羽毛都掉了，这里看到孔雀就和鸡一样，顶多火鸡，没感觉！
第一次6个循环没有感觉盘腿膝盖难受，只是屁股大腿根处累，细致琢磨身体就知道问题出在哪。
前面和后面chanting就留意呼吸。
男老师结束时重复vikarish vikarish，估计是谢谢意思？
11.15am
刚开始高兴，就很沮丧，这就是过程，因为第二节老师辅导学生，我发现如果不深呼吸，就没有sensation，即使不是啥特别感觉，也没有；但正常呼吸就很没有精神；发现管家不在，我是最后一个老师也没法知道我，终于轮到我，老师就说要正常呼吸，这个没啥灵活程度，我必须按正确的来，也不是完全没有感觉，偶尔dingling一下稍纵即逝；我在10.40被带到34号cells，下午大家分别cells练习，面壁一样，可以尝试。
早餐类似黄色炒米饭和印度葱油饼，我吃了一个香蕉，控制饮食还算成功，2杯chai，昨天多一杯好难受；中午类似炒白菜，我吃了一点剩下的米饭，这里剩饭肯定留到第二顿。
12.20pm：
11.30管家来我房间说让我12.30到hall，我问为什么，说是我的呼吸问题要head of teacher解答，太好了，我期待；就做了个简易版ashtanga，40分钟不到，5个上轮不错，看来这次能持续，加油。
还是要把vipassana搞明白。
5.07pm：
一天里vipassnana高高低低和人生一样，一会觉着好有希望，喜悦，一会frustrated，感觉没戏了；我是12.20管家叫我去了teacher room，感觉很新鲜，分男女等候区，虽然一个房间，进去发现男女平时老师都在，中间是一个看起来最像得道的人，非常瘦弱，耳垂很长，年纪很大了，问我：speak english? Yes!
老师： linxu， I hope I pronounce it right， from china! What brought u to Vipassana
我： A friend from Swiss school did it and told me, so I checked.
老师： how lucky u find us! What a great thing to do!
我： I am grateful.
我很尊敬的请教了没有sensation和瑜伽使得我呼吸很弱绵长，老师： we are growing, every second, there is a sensation, but your mind is too cross; even we are talking we are so busy. Nothing to do with yoga, u just have to listen to the different part of your body, follow the instruction; now do it with me.
So I did it; without yoga breathing; did not feel much difference，但客气说yes I feel warm with Nostril.
老师：u come to another room for half hour, do what it is told and also this afternoon, let us see tomorrow 9.30 how u feel.
我以为啥magic room，结果就是隔壁，而且放的是同样葛印卡指示audio，我一旦正常呼吸，就没有啥感觉，也不 high；30分钟结束我很颓废的去了cell，开始练习，没啥效果，最后索性任由双腿随随便便，休息时间我就躺在那里，等待wave；问题出在我一直有期待，期待wave，或者vibration，或者灼热感，也许有感觉自己都错过了。
下午回到hall，还是很难熬，时间没随着推移就变轻松；一半已经几乎结束，还会有啥新花样吗？
有些事情藏在记忆深处，其实没有消失，一会觉着无所谓，面对人生libration，这些小不愉快算什么，一会有反复咀嚼。下午就想到很多之前不愉快的事情，虽然当时没咋多想，事后咀嚼还是不是滋味；这和enlightenment也太扯了吧，但就是这样实相，想到XW啦。
我还是kriya吧，为晚上准备，有一刻觉着自己ashtanga和kriya是没有感受的阻碍，也是扯！
不能放弃啊。还要教别人呢。
出现意淫，一会想象这个身体cleanse，一会涂上glow，一会就是想象的悸动。
突然想起S做viapssana，突然想到，在她面前我感觉自己像个dirty old woman，她是灵动的；还有请她吃饭，现在理解一桌子菜多么可怕，对于灵性修行的人。
登记了viva wellness系列，可以和培训一起结合。
