我在Tinder上看到你了

My Tinder nightmare began on January 8th, 2014 when I started texting with a beautiful woman who I knew was out of my league.

我的Tinder噩梦要从 2014 年 1 月8 日说起，当我与一位漂亮的女士发信息开始，我就知道我配不上她。

I'm a 50ish Caucasian guy, out of shape, overweight, but otherwise stable and normal. She was a 30 year old Black woman, college educated, stunningly beautiful and very elegant and slender. Nonetheless, after a few days of texting I invited her to join me for dinner at a very nice restaurant downtown. To my dismay she actually accepted my invitation. I was waiting for her at the bar and when she walked in my jaw hit the floor. She was so beautiful I literally lost my breath for a moment.

我是个 50 出头的高加索男人，除了身材走样，有点超重外，其他方面还算是正常标准的。她是一个 30 岁的黑人女性，受过良好的教育、 让人惊叹是她那优雅而纤细的身材。

经过一些天的短信联系，我邀请她一起去市中心的一家很不错的餐厅吃晚饭。让我吃惊的是她居然答应了。我在吧台等她，当她走过来的时候，我吃惊的下巴都要掉下来了。她太美了，我简直都不能呼吸。

She was taller than me in her heels and was wearing a beautiful short dress with the most amazing legs I had ever seen. She greeted me with a bright smile and a gentle hug and we were escorted to our table.

We had a very good date, the conversation flowed, and she seemed to have a good time as well. We decided to continue the date and went to a couple of bars for drinks. Finally she said it was time to go home and, since she had taken Uber earlier, I offered to give her a ride home and she quickly agreed. All this time I thought that, even though the date was fun, and comfortable, I assumed it would possibly lead to a friendship at best considering the obvious differences.

她穿着高跟鞋，和我站一起显得比我高。看看她，穿着一条漂亮的短裙，以及那双我这辈子都没见过的迷人的双腿。她带着灿烂的笑容向我打招呼并给我一个温柔的拥抱，我们被带到餐桌前。

我们有一个很棒的约会，交谈自然，她看上去也感觉不错。我们决定继续我们约会，于是又去了几个酒吧喝了几杯。最后她说，因为接了Uber的业务，是时候要回去了。我提出送她回家，她很快就答应了。一直以来我都认为，就算是我们的约会很有趣，两人一起感觉很舒服，我们发展下去充其量也就是比朋友稍有些不同的关系。

Well when we got to her place we talked for a few minutes more. I offered to walk her to her door but she declined. She then got out and walked around to my door. She leaned through the window and planted a very brief but sensual kiss on my lips.

My heart stopped! She then leaned back and smiled. I was able to stammer out an invitation to go out again and she accepted without hesitation. I was on cloud nine! I knew that this remarkable woman would have a profound affect on my life, it seemed pre-destined.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, She and I had been seeing each other nearly every day and I was developing strong feelings already. But, something was wrong. I had a weird nagging sense that she was hiding something. Although she was being very affectionate , something just felt off. Then finally it happened. We were out at a bar together.

当到了她的住所附近，我们又聊了几分钟。我提出送她到家门口，但她拒绝了。然后，她下车，走到我的车门旁。她倚靠着车窗，给了我一个虽短暂但美妙绝伦的吻。

我的心顿时停止跳动 ！她依靠着车门并对着我笑。我结结巴巴的邀请她再出去，她毫不迟疑地答应了。我简直太幸福了 ！我知道这个了不起的女人将对我生活产生深远的影响，似乎一切都是预先注定的。

又过了几个星期，我们几乎每天见面，我已经深深的沉浸在这段感情中。但是，总觉得有什么不对劲。我有种不安的预感她隐瞒了一些事情。虽然她对我深情款款，但我还是感觉有些不对。之后我们一起去了一家酒吧，事情终于发生了。

It was a good time but she seemed distracted. As we were leaving she turned to me and said, in a serious tone, 'We need to talk'. I thought, this is it, the differences between us are too much for her and I'm about to be friend zoned. But nothing prepared me for what came next. She asked me to just listen and not say anything, and I agreed.

She then started out by saying that she had developed strong feelings for me but there was something that I needed to know about her that might make me want to change my mind about pursuing a relationship. My mind was spinning and so many scenarios raced through my head. Is she married? Is she a criminal? Then I remembered a few day earlier when we were making out and I touched her breast lightly and realized that she had breast implants because it was quite hard. So I thought OMG, is she a transexual? But, as it turns out, she wasn't but that would have been better than what came next.

当时

气氛很好，但她看起来有些心烦意乱。就当我们要离开时，她转过来对我说，并且是用一种严肃的语气说，'我们需要好好谈谈'。我当时想，是，我们之间的差距太大了，我即将被划到“好朋友”范畴里了。我真的是毫无准备去面对接下来的事情。她跟我说，只要听着，什么都不要说。我同意了。

然后她开始说她对我已经产生了强烈的感情，但是有些事情我需要知道，这有可能会让我改变是否继续我们的关系的想法。我有点晕，满脑子被好多的电影情节充斥着。她是结婚了吗？她是一个罪犯吗？然后我想起几天前，当我们在亲热的时候，我轻轻地摸了她的胸，并且感觉她那好硬啊，感觉有些植入物。我当时想，我的天呐，她不会是个变性人吧？但是，结果是，她不是，而且一切将更好。

She looked at me, and with a tear in her eye, she told me that she has stage 4 breast cancer. She was originally diagnosed 4 years earlier as stage 3 and had beaten it back into remission after having a double mastectomy along with radiation treatment and chemotherapy. Now it had returned as Stage 4 and she was to start chemo again in two weeks. I was floored! She then stated that she will understand if I wanted to turn and run and she wouldn't think less of me for it.

My response was to re-iterate that I adored her. And I thought she was an amazing woman and if she wanted me to take this journey with her that I would be honored to do so. We kissed and just held each other for a while. Finally she said goodnight and went to her car to go home. I cried all the way home. We had a full amazing year together. I had to go to Japan for work and she met me there in between chemo treatments. She never cried and was always elegant.

她看着我，眼里含着泪水，她告诉我她患有乳腺癌，已经到了第四期。她最初被诊断是在4 年前，当时是第三期，在放射治疗和化疗后已经得到缓解。现在又复发了，转为第四期，并且她在两个星期里又要重新开始化疗。我崩溃了 ！她接着说，如果我想要转身离开，她非常理解，她也不会因为这事看不起我。

我对她再次强调我有多么欣赏她和爱慕她。而且我觉得她是一个了不起的女人，如果她想让我陪她经历这一切，我会很荣幸地这样做。我们相互亲吻，互相拥抱了一会儿。最后她道了晚安，开车回家去了。我在回家的路上哭了一路。我们一起度过非常精彩的一年。我因为工作不得不去日本，她在化疗期间还去那看望我。她从来不哭，并且总是那么优雅。

I learned what the true definition of grace meant. We lived a lifetime in 2014. She died 9 months ago, 15 months after we met. I am a much better man for having met her and shared in her struggle.

I love you and miss you so much Genny!

2015/04/18

我学会了什么是恩典的真正含义。我们把一生都浓缩在 2014 年。9 个月前她去世了，在我们相遇的 15 个月后。因为遇见她并且分享她与病魔的抗衡精神，现在的我是个更好的男人。

我爱你，非常想念你 Genny ！

via AskReddit

图片来自德国艺术家1010街头艺术