续：自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（一）

作者：奥斯卡·王尔德

译文：真念一思

配乐：The Day I Lost My Love（那一天我失去了我的愛 长笛演奏：Ron Korb）

優美的音樂中，透著一種深情，一種思念，一種痛徹心 扉之痛......

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I will begin by telling you that I blame myself terribly. As I sit here in this dark cell in convict clothes, a disgraced and ruined man, I blame myself. From the very first there was too wide a gap between us.

You had been idle at your school, worse than idle at your university. You admired my work when it was finished: you enjoyed the brilliant successes of my first nights, and the brilliant banquets that followed them: you were proud, and quite naturally so, of being the intimate friend of an artist so distinguished:

but you could not understand the conditions requisite for the production of artistic work. I am not speaking in phrases of rhetorical exaggeration but in terms of absolute truth to actual fact when I remind you that during the whole time we were together I never wrote one single line. Whether at Torquay, Goring, London, Florence or elsewhere, my life, as long as you were by my side, was entirely sterile and uncreative. And with but few intervals you were, I regret to say, by my side always.

首先我要告诉你，我非常的自责。当我坐着这阴暗的监牢里，穿着囚服，身败名裂，我责怪自己。其实从一开始，我们之间就横亘着巨大的鸿沟。

你从中学起，就游手好闲，到了大学时期，甚至愈发变本加厉。每当我一有作品完成，你便对它钦佩赞赏有加：你无比享受我作品首演之夜的辉煌成功，以及随之而来的庆功盛宴。你很骄傲自豪，这很自然，因为你是那样一位大艺术家的亲密朋友。 

但你却不能理解创作艺术作品所需的环境。我绝非夸大其词，而完全是基于实际情况来提请你注意：在我们整个相处期间，我一行字都没有写。无论是在托基、戈灵、伦敦、佛罗伦萨，还是其他什么地方，我的生活，只要你在我身边，我便才思枯竭，灵感全无，而除了那么有限的几次以外，我很遗憾的说，你总是待在我身边。

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I remember, in September 1893, taking a set of chambers, purely in order to work undisturbed. 

During the first week you kept away. In that week I wrote and completed in every detail, as it was ultimately performed, the first act of An Ideal Husband. The second week you returned and my work practically had to be given up. 

I arrived at St James's Place every morning at 11:30, in order to have the opportunity of thinking and writing without the interruptions inseparable from my own household. At twelve o'clock you drove up, and stayed smoking cigarettes and chattering till 1:30, when I had to take you out to luncheon at the Cafe Royal or the Berkeley. Luncheon with its liqueurs lasted usually till 3:30. For an hour you retired to White's. At tea-time you appeared again, and stayed till it was time to dress for dinner. You dined with me either at the Savoy or Tite Street. We did not separate as a rule till after midnight, as supper at Willis's had to wind up the entrancing day. 

That was my life for three months, every single day. For one of my nature and temperament it was a position at once grotesque and tragic.

记得在1893年9月，我租了一间套房，完全是为了不受干扰地写作。

第一个星期，你没有来找我。那一个星期，我就写完了《理想丈夫》的第一幕，所有的细节都完整地写好了，就如同终演本一样。可第二个星期你回来了，我就几乎完全无法再动笔了。

每天上午十一点半我就来到圣詹姆斯旅馆，为的是有机会好好的构思和写作，以免受到来自那已与我自己家无法分割的干扰。可十二点你就驾着车来了，边抽烟边聊天一直待到下午一点半，到了那时，我只好带你去皇家咖啡座或伯莱克用午餐。午餐加上甜酒，一顿饭通常吃到三点半。有那么一个钟头你会去怀特俱乐部，可到下午茶时间你又出现了，一待就待到了更衣用晚餐的时间。你与我共进晚餐，要么在萨瓦伊酒店要么在泰特街。照例，我们要直到午夜过后才分手，因为在威利斯吃过夜宵后，这令人神魂颠倒的一天不收也得收了。

这就是我那三个月过的生活，天天如此。作为一个有着像我这样性格秉性的人，那状态简直既荒诞又悲催……

续文请见：

    自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（三）

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作者简介及相关内容推荐阅读：

自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（一）

图片来自网络，向原作者致敬致谢！

题图诗：庐阳第一怪

  老衲拾级入山门，轻撩袈裟不沾尘。

  一丝仙风心头过，半点真念闪无痕。

              ——\ 一丝怪念组合🤩🤗

（感谢庐阳第一怪配诗鼓励支持！）

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