偶然的机会看了一期的《奇葩说》，里面的一个小姐姐虽然现在我已经忘记她的名字和长相，但她的故事依旧让我记忆深刻。她是躁郁症患者，她说有时候她会特别兴奋，像是站在人生之巅，有时候也会很失落，失落到只想结束自己的生命。她很痛苦，每天这样的来回切换，让她疲惫不堪。
在我们看来，活着就行了呗，可是她说她的痛苦远远是我们不能够想象的。她找不到活着的意义，不明白生命存在的意义，所以她努力向心理医生寻求帮助。可是好像没有人能够给她一个能够说服她的理由。
当时看到这些我也在想，我是活生生的，是鲜明的，可是我生存的意义在哪里？只是追求快乐？还是人生的意义就在于没意义，只管往前走就可以了？
我也得不到准确的答案。所以找到了这篇TED演讲。
I used to think the whole purpose of lifewas pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so Isearched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn'talone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.我以前认为人生的目标就是追求快乐。人人都说,成功是通往快乐的路,所以我去寻找理想的工作、完美的男友、漂亮的公寓。但我没有感到圆满,反而觉得焦虑跟漫无目的。且不只有我这样;我的朋友们──他们也有这种困扰。
Eventually, I decided to go to graduateschool for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. ButwhatI discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness canmake people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate hasbeen rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. 我最后决定去研究所读正向心理学,去找出什么能让人开心。但我在那儿的发现,改变了我的人生。数据显示,追求快乐会让人不快乐。真正让我震惊的是这点:全球的自杀率不断攀升,最近在美国达到三十年来的新高。Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivablestandard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptinessgnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feelit. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is thisall there is? And accordingto the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's alack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.虽然客观来说,生活变好了,从每个能想到的标准来看皆是如此,却有更多人感到无助、沮丧、及孤独。有一种空虚感在侵蚀人们,并不需被临床诊断出沮丧也能感觉到这个现象。我想,迟早我们都会想要知道:难道就只有这样而已吗?根据研究,绝望的原因并不是缺乏快乐,而是缺乏某样东西,是缺乏人生意义。
But that raised some questions for me. Isthere more to lifethan being happy? And what's the difference between beinghappy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as astate of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, isdeeper. 但这就让我产生了一些问题。难道人生不只是要快乐吗?活得快乐和活得有意义之间有什么差别?许多心理学家把快乐定义为一种舒服自在的状态,在当下感觉很好。而意义则更深。
The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes frombelonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the bestwithin you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see thatseeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that peoplewho have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school andat work, andthey even live longer.知名心理学家马丁赛里格曼说,意义来自归属感、致力于超越自我之外的事物,以及从内在发展出最好的自己。我们的文化对「快乐」相当痴迷,但我发现,寻找意义才是更让人满足的道路。且研究指出,有人生意义的人适应力也会比较强,他们在学校及职场的表现较佳,他们甚至活得比较久。
So this all made me wonder: How can we eachlive moremeaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundredsof people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscienceand philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I callfour pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning bybuilding some or all of these pillars in our lives.所以这一切让我开始想,我们每个人要如何活得有意义?为了找出答案,我花了五年时间,访谈了数百人,阅读了数千页的心理学、神经科学、及哲学。把这些汇整起来,我发现了一件事,我称之为「人生意义的四大支柱」。我们可以彼此相互建立起这些支柱,在彼此的人生中找到人生的意义。The first pillar isbelonging. Belongingcomes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you areintrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups andrelationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what youbelieve, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs fromlove. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you canchoose to cultivate belonging with others.第一根支柱是归属感。归属感来自于一种关系,一种你与他人在本质上彼此是否处在相互珍惜的关系中。但有些群体或关系,提供的是廉价形式的归属感;你被重视的原因是因为你所相信的事物、你对人的好恶、而不是你的本质。真正的归属感源自于爱。它存在于个体间共处的时光当中,且它是一种选择──你可以选择与他人培养归属感
Here's an example. Each morning, my friendJonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don'tjust conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, andtreat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the rightchange, and the vendor said, 'Don't worry about it.' But Jonathaninsisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't needto make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back.He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.举例来说,每天早晨,我在纽约的朋友强纳森都会向同一个街头小贩买一份报纸。不过,他们并不是只有交易的关系。他们会停下来,花点时间说说话,把彼此当朋友对待。但有一次,强纳森的零钱不够,小贩说:「没关系不用了啦。」但强纳森坚持要付钱,所以他去一家店,买了他不需要的东西,把钞票找开。但当他把钱给小贩时,小贩退缩了。他感到受伤。他试着想表现友好,但强纳森拒绝了他。
I think we all reject people in small wayslike this withoutrealizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barelyacknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These actsdevalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you leadwith love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.
我想,我们都曾像这样在小地方拒绝别人却没有意识到。我就有过。我会从认识的人旁边走过,却没跟他们打招呼。当有人在跟我说话时,我会看手机。这类行为是在贬低别人的价值,让他们觉得自己是隐形的、不值得的。但若用爱来引导,你就会创造出一种联结,让你们彼此都振奋起来。 For many people, belonging is the mostessential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, thekey to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is notthe same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less aboutwhat you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me herpurpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, 'My purpose israising my children.' The key to purpose is using your strengths to serveothers. 对很多人来说,归属感是人生意义的重要来源,就是与家人及朋友之间的联结。对其他人来说,第二根人生意义的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到让你快乐的工作。目的的重点是你能给予什么,而不是你想要什么。一位医院管理员告诉我,她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家长告诉我:「我的目的是扶养我的孩子。」目标的关键在于用你的力量去服务他人。
Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how wecontribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagementat work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't justeconomic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhileto do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, butpurpose gives you something to live for, some 'why' that drives youforward.当然,对很多人而言,这是透过工作来达成的。那是我们做出贡献和感到被需要的方式。但这也意味着,像是无心工作、失业、低劳动参与率等等议题──这些不仅是经济问题,也是存在主义问题。人们若没有值得去做的事,就会挣扎折腾。当然,你不需要从工作中找到目的,但目的能让你有活下去的意义,有驱使你向前行的「理由」。
The third pillar of meaning is also aboutstepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence.Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustleand bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feelconnectedto a higher reality. For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeingart. For another person, it was at church. 第三根人生意义的支柱,也和走出自我有关,但用的方式完全不同:超然。超然的状态是很少见的时刻,在这个时刻中,你超脱了日常生活的喧嚣扰攘,自我感正在渐渐消褪,你会感觉到和更高的现实产生连结。跟我谈过的其中一个人说,超然来自于欣赏艺术。另一个人则认为,超然是在教堂中。For me, I'm a writer, and it happensthrough writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of timeand place. These transcendent experiences can change you. One study hadstudents look up at200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. Butafterwards they felt less selfcentered, and they even behaved more generouslywhen given the chance to help someone.对我来说,我是作家,而超然是透过写作发生的。有时候我太投入会有一种忘我的境界。这些超然的经验能改变你。有一项研究是让学生去看200英呎高的尤加利树,看一分钟,之后他们会比较不自我中心,若给他们机会去帮助别人,他们连行为都会变得更慷慨。Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, thefourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people. Thefourthpillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself. Creating anarrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understandhow you became you. But we don't always realize that we're the authors of ourstories and can change the way we're telling them. Your life isn't just a listof events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you'reconstrained by the facts.归属感、目的、超然。接着谈谈我发现的第四根支柱,它常会令人感到惊讶。第四根支柱就是说故事,你告诉你自己关于你自己的故事。用你人生中的事件来创造一个故事。用你人生中的事件来创造一个故事,能让你看得更清楚。它能协助你了解你是怎么变成你的。但我们通常没发现,我们故事的作者就是自己,且我们可以改变说故事的方式。你的生命并不只一连串的事件。即便你被事实给限制住,你仍可以编辑、诠释、再重新述说你的故事。
Eventually, I left home for college andwithout the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And Istarted searching for those things that make life worth living. That's what setme on this journey. Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a realculture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presenceof the pillars helped us all live more deeply.最后,我离开家去读大学,我的人生中少了苏菲教徒每天的基础练习,感觉像是船的缆绳被解开。我开始寻找有什么能让我的人生值得活。就是这个原因让我踩上这段旅程。现在回头看,
我发现那间苏菲房舍有着一种有意义的真实文化。那些支柱是建筑的一部份,而支柱的出现,让我们都能过更有深度的生活。
Of course, the same principle applies inother strong communities as well - good ones and bad ones. Gangs, cults: theseare cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to liveand die for. But that's exactly why we as a society must offer betteralternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and ourinstitutions to help people become their best selves. But living a meaningfullife takes work. It's an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we're constantlycreating our lives, adding to our story. And sometimes we can get off track.当然,同样的原则也适用于其他强大的社群──好的和坏的都包含在内。帮派、邪教:这些也是有意义的文化,它们利用这些支柱,给予人们活着和牺牲的意义。但那就是为什么,我们身为一个社会,必须要提供更好的替代方案。我们需要在我们的家庭及习俗制度当中建立这些支柱,来协助人们变成最好的自己。但一定要花心力,才能让人生过得有意义。它是一个持续的过程。随着每一天过去,我们不断地创造我们的人生,扩增我们的故事。有时,我们可能会误入歧途。Whenever that happens to me, I remember apowerfulexperience I had with my father. Several months after I graduated fromcollege, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. Hesurvived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faceddeath, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could bethere for my brother and me, and this gave himthe will to fight for life. Whenhe went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwardsfrom 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be thelast words he spoke on earth if he died.每当我遇到这状况时,我会想起我与父亲的一段经历,很有影响力的经历。我从大学毕业后几个月,我父亲罹患了严重的心脏病,本来他应该性命难保。他活下来了,我问他,当他在面对死亡时,脑中想着的是什么,他说,他唯一能想的,就是必须活下来,这样他才能陪伴我弟弟和我,这点让他有意志力能拼命活下来。当他被麻醉准备接受紧急手术时,他做的不是从10开始倒数,他把我们的名字像祈祷文般地覆颂。如果他会死,他希望他在世上说的最后几个字是我们的名字。
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It's ahumble life, but a good life. Lying there facing death, he had a reason tolive: love. His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose
as a dad, histranscendent meditation, repeating our names -- these, he says, are the reasonswhy he survived. That's the story he tells himself.我的父亲是个木匠也是个苏菲教徒。他的人生是谦恭的人生,但很美好的人生。躺在那里,面对死亡,他有一个活下去的理由:爱。他在他的家庭中的归属感、他身为一名父亲的目的、他超然的冥想,不断覆颂我们的名字──他说,这些是他活下来的原因。那是他告诉他自己的故事。That's the power of meaning. Happinesscomes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad,having meaning gives you something to hold on to.那就是意义的力量。快乐来来去去。但当人生真的很美好时,当事情真的很糟糕时,若人生有意义,你就会有可以紧紧抓住的东西。
归属感，目的，超然，爱，不得不承认这些个词都意义非凡。我们一生都在追求，可每个人得到了结果又大相径庭，但不管怎么样，都希望我们能够超越现在的自己，活的很精彩。
