Have you ever examined the scars on your skin?
How many shapes are there?
Round, thin, or crescent like the one on Bao Qing Tian's forehead?
Do you know the meaning behind every scar?
well, most of my the scars are made accidentally as an energetic AND fearless child. One day I jumped down to a valley to catch a giant grasshopper. The,time I strecthed my hand to grab it when suddenly my left foot slipped AND i kneeled on a very sharp rock.like this way.
I know.
Among all the scars, there’s a bean size scar on the back of my left hand. It was made when I was 17. One night I had a big fight with my father after I failed an exam, WE call IT Gaokao. My father said a lot of vicious remarks that I already forgot. but one scene was still clear as yesterday.
I curled up in the kitchen.
Staring at the fires in the stove，the hatred was also burning in my eyes.
My father criticized me almost everyday but this time I would never forgave him. I took a red-hot iron AND pushed IT onto the back of my left hand.
I know.
Years passed by, I seldom live with my parents after going to college. as to the wound? IT already healed AND formed into a scar. As to the hatred, IT was already forgotten.
HOW great IT is to grow up!
So after baby daughter was born, I couldnt wait to live my parents again. They could absolutely help me to live through the most caotic life as a new mom.
But I never realized that my parents will never respect me as an adult! Endless criticisms came back, aND the hatred came back! The scar faded but the hatred was like an invisible wound, bleeding.
Everyday I was angry AND lost. why couldnt I get along with my parents? I knew I must heal the invisible wound.
WE all know that It’s easy to see the wounds on your skin. We sterilize it and put on a band-aid but how to heal invisable wound ?
To live away from my parents, right? A good idea! but do you think escaping helps heal the wound? At least it does not work for me.
I started to learn psycology. I learned it very hard but I still couldn’t face my parents’ absurd critisms peacefully as an adult, much stronger and powerful adult until one day, after endless pain, I finally dared to examine the wound from inside.
I saw a little girl standing in front of the mirror with pouted mouth and angry face. I recongnized that it was me.
I felt sorry for her.
I asked her gently.
why are you so angry?
because they always blame me.
But I already grow up. I don't need you anymore.
Suddenly, tears run down my face. I finally understood why i was so angry all these years. Because I dare not to treat the wound, to sterilize the wound. To educate the little girl inside that I‘ve already grown up. It’s time to let IT go.
After that day, my invisible wound finally stopped bleeding and started to heal. The hatred.was like a deflated baloon. IT could never tear me inside.
No matter how terrible the storms you’ve endured, there’s no one to blame. It was not your fault.
No matter how unfair you parents had treated you as a child, there’s no one to blame. It was not your fault. And you’ve already grown up.
Let it go, let it go.
We could see rainbow after a terrible storm. Why don’t we take childhood trauma as a gift. Stop running away from it. Be brave, open the wound and sterilize it. You will grow up.
Let it go, let it go.
Yes, my wound is healing. It will became the third scar, the grown-up scar.
