Mariam与Laila虽然身分平行，同为一桩不幸婚姻下的受害者，但年长的Mariam将Laila视为自己的孩子般照顾。一次，为了保护Laila被家暴致死，Mariam杀死了自己的老公。事后，Mariam放弃逃跑而决定自首。
对Mariam来说，母亲是在成全儿女幸福中，得到幸福的：
For me, it ends here. There's nothing more I want. Everything I'd ever wished for as a little girl you've already given me.You and your children have made me so very happy. It's all right, Laila jo. This is all right. Don't be sad.
对于一个没当妈的人来说，今天的阅读内容是太过冲击了。我怀疑他的合理性。我不乐意将这悲剧性的一幕，视为母职的必然。我不能肯定Mariam为了Laila付出自己，是不是一个必然和必须的抉择。我倾向解读Mariam的牺牲，是在那个艰苦特例中，成全她作为母亲心愿的唯一渠道。
不过我想起苏格拉底的例子。当雅典人诬告他败坏青年时，他其实可以选择离开雅典，就能免于一死。但最终，他为了捍卫自己作为「教师」的身分，他选择从容就义。如果教师的身分值得捍卫，母亲的身分，是不是也可以有同样的重要性呢？
或许对一些人来说，当母亲的巨大幸福，可以让一个人为了施行母职而牺牲自己。或许尚待年岁的验证，我也能发现，当一个妈妈，可能会带给自己怎样的收获。
以下来看看《灿烂千阳》第44-46章摘要。
摘要
Chapter 44 shifts back and forth from the heart-to-heart talk of Laila and Tariq to the conflicts happened after Rasheed hears Tariq’s visiting, producing a sense of uneasy nervousness before a storm.
Chapter 45 begins with Rasheeds’ another domestic violence, and culminates in Mariam killing him. In the mess, Rasheed lunges at Mariam to punish her for defending against him. At that very moment, Mariam wonders what she has ever done to deserve this. That defending vigor won’t end in killing Rasheed, if he does not intend to choke Laila to death. But Mariam realizes Rasheed has murder in mind, and Mariam, not for self-defensing but as a brave mother, has no choice but to kill Rasheed with all her might.
Chapter 46 concludes with Mariam’s selfless love. After the killing, Mariam takes care of Laila who was beaten unconscious. She wakes up Laila, helps her get her jitters out, encourages her to pull herself together in cleaning Rasheed’s body and diverts her dread with the picture of their happy future. Mariam’ mothering ends up with the decision of turning herself in to prevent Taliban from chasing Laila, kids and Tariq after the murder.
学点英文
1
Chapter 45 begins with Rasheeds’ another domestic violence, and culminates in Mariam killing him.
culminates in的意思为「以…告终；达到…的顶点」，注意到这个字总是与 in 连用，例如：
My arguments with the boss got worse and worse, and finally culminated in my resignation.
Their many years of research have finally culminated in a cure for the disease.
2
In the mess, Rasheed lunges at Mariam to punish her for defending against him.
defend不加介词，意为保护后面的受词，如：
They are fighting to defend their beliefs/interests/rights.
如果加了against，意为对抗后面的受词，像我要說對抗Rasheed，就是用这个说法，如：
White blood cells help defend the body against infection.
3
That defending vigor won’t end in killing Rasheed, if he does not intend to choke Laila to death
choke有「（使）窒息；（使）哽噎；（使）呼吸困难」的意思，这个用法下，一般与on连用，例如：
She choked to death on a fish bone. 她被鱼刺鲠住后窒息而死。
此外，诚如这里的用法，可以表达「（掐住喉咙）使停止呼吸，使窒息」，这个时候，就像I hate you的用法使用。
4
She diverts her dread with the picture of their happy future
dread代表「恐惧；忧虑」在这本充斥家暴的书中，出现很多次。但我第一次知道，它原来不可数，参考以下例句：
The prospect of working full-time fills me with dread.
I live in dread of bumping into her in the street.
5
Mariam decides to turn herself in.
turn sb in 意为「将（某人）送交警方；自首」
那如果只是turn in，意思就轻松多了，代表「上床睡觉」，例如你要说「我通常午夜左右才上床睡觉」：
I usually turn in at about midnight.
6
Mariam’ mothering ends up with the decision of turning herself in to prevent Taliban from chasing Laila, kids and Tariq after the murder.
chase有「追逐；追捕」的意思，仔细体会一下英文，用作「追捕」时，不用加介词：
The police car was going so fast, it must have been chasing someone.
用作「追赶」时，可以选加after：
She was chasing (after) a man who had snatched her bag.
因为这里我要表达塔利班的追捕，所以最后决定不加介词。
