First, to introduce a good app, mostly the best APP could be used in China to watch TED video. It is 网易公开课. Today I read this video and try to remember and tell the story to you.
"Why would anyone stay with a man who beats her?" A woman stood on TED show and thrown the question to audience. She seems live very successfully and confidence with B.A from Harvard college and good work with American Express card, with apartment in New York. She talked about the topic is not because she is someone like psychological doctor. She was also a victim in domestic violence. Everyone is possible to be the victim, all races, female and male, and all education levels. The woman is a typical victim and survivor from that kind of relationship.
When she firstly met the man who abused her in marriage, was in New York subway. The man, named Conor, shown his interest and enthusiasm to her in the first meeting. He has also very bright future at that time, he told her he was also from Ivy League college and have impressive work in Wall Street bank. They started dating, and they felt in love with each other.
Conor kept adoring her, and confessed his unhappy childhood experience to her. He was sufferring from abuse physically from his stepfather since age 4. The influence is too strong that he quit the eight grade even he was smart and spent more than 20 years try to get rid of it. So Conor gave this woman an illusion that she was the dominant person in this relationship.
It is the first step, the abuser started his violence, he drag you into a trap by adoring you. The second step is isolate his partner. One day, Conor come home and told the woman that he quit his job in Wall Street bank and wanted move to a place with safety. The woman is so loved him, so she left the city with her friends and family, career. They moved to a place named New England. She commit that it was a crazy love. The third step is to show sign of violence and observe the reaction from the woman. He brought three guns, and kept them one in grove shelf in car, one is under the pillow in bed, the last one was kept in his pocket at all time. At this time, she didn't leave. 5 days before her wedding, Conor started his first time violence to her with an excuse. He squeeze her neck with both hand and said sorry for it after that.
She didn't leave and continued their marriage for two and a half years with twice or three times a week with Conor's abuse physically. And she was aware that he would kill her when she ended the relationship. She survived by telling everyone what she faced in this marriage. She told to all friends, co-workers, and total strangers.
After the 20 years in second marriage, and with 3 kids born, she want to share her story to people, and tell them many people is under the domestic violence. People who around them should not blame them, should offer the help and give the victim a full future.
