Feel oddly buoyant as I moved out of the door, and it wasn’t just because my hands were held by the cutest person, though that was certainly part of it. Or maybe it was freedom illuminant in the horizon, and I could not figure it out. But now, I felt lighter. It didn’t make things perfect, but it made them better.  

Thrill seemed to be so close it was touchable, taste-able. Signs of it were everywhere. Pelycosaur Street was flocked with varying booths. Posters crowded together on the lane walls, and the improvised booths wore a colorful skirt of banners: reminders to buy class rings, souvenir albums; deadlines to order graduation gowns, hats, and masks; ominous rose-wreathed advertisements for this year’s prom. I winced as I passed a stall with bundles of scary masks.

“Hey, Shawl!”

I looked away. A small girl flashed across the street with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. Her lithe dancer’s step amazed me. “Have you got your mask, yet?” she trilled when she reached Shawl side.

“Not yet, and you?” Shawl’s fingers slipped out of my grip. The sudden emptiness chilled my palm.

“Guess the odd is in my favor!” warble mused as she threw her arm around his neck and pulled his face down to her height so that she could kiss him enthusiastically. Everything rolled so nature, as if they’re a courting couple. And Shawl wasn’t defending that.

It pricked my sight. A swell of quiet bitterness crashed over me somehow. The thrill several seconds ago, it seemed to be ridiculous and an ironic joke. Maybe it was delusion to get closer to him.

“Hey, trouble, there you are.” Horyeero swayed, her face slightly pink, then recovered herself and turned to me, and grinned ruefully, like she’d right just noticed me.

“Morning, Yeero, you come alone?” I shook off the negative thoughts.

“Nope,” She gave me a you-guess glance and took a long whistle backward.

Then a spate of mob cut the stream of crowd, like a sharp knife. Yet the huge boy at the head of the crowd, flanked by two youths in the dark coat, seemed almost a stranger to me…until he darted with a familiar hoot, and crushed me in a bone-crunching hug.

“My little trouble!” he lifted me up, so easy as if he was holding a feather. “Nice to see that frozen face of yours! It’s been months. Tell me, do you miss me? Dare you to say no—” he laughed, threateningly hugging me higher once.

My expression that still held a hint of surprise was reflected in his pupils. His eyes were an orange so clean they seemed almost flaming, but there was little they did not see.

“Actually, I did not!” I knocked his shoulder with my punch, only feeling as if pounding against the stone.

Garlo flinched, and looked me over top to bottom, chuckled. “You—have not changed at all.”

Would that I had been able to say the same. Ten years past, he was of an age with Shawl, but they didn’t look alike now. Shawl was slender, fair and graceful while Garlo was muscular, and wild.

“How do you come back?” my breath went uneven when he heaved my feet to the ground. His hands didn’t leave me until I steadied myself.

“You want me to miss your Big Day? No way, so much fun…” Garlo shrugged.

I watched his face. Just half of one year, it stripped all his childish off that round face that I recognized. And He was taller again so that I had to look up. His light brown hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail instead of his usual smooth hairdo. It made him look mature, and…strange. Was the one I’d been familiar as my big brother still there? Confusion tarnished the surprise a little in my eyes.

“Happy Big Day, trouble.” Now he was grinning at me. The way he said the words made it sound like a real happy big day.

I stretched a faint, light smile back. Maybe he’s still there. “Thanks, Garlo.”

Shawl was standing solemnly several steps away from us, long brown hair stirring in the wind. He had a grim cast to his green eyes, and he seemed not listen at all the girls who surrounded him and talk something with the other two boys that were strange to me. He had taken off Brother’s face, I thought, and donned the face of heartthrob.

When everyone was here. Shawl led the way toward Phoenix-feather House. The snow washed away for good after that one dangerously icy day. Garlo was disappointed he’d never gotten to stage his snowball fight as Shawl turned around to talk to him. I was tragically squeezed between Horyeero and her ladybros, who made me aware of annoyed problem at once—what future would you choose?

I had thought on it long and hard, lying abed at night. Garlo would someday inherit Phoenix Feather, would set up his business chain as his dream. Shawl’s choice was obscure, but I was quite he would marry with Horyeero, the one was more beautiful than anything else I could imagine, and would move in my house as a hostess. But what place could I hope to earn?

“Hey, trouble, you haven’t share your future, are you ready to fuss around the world?” Horyeero elbowed me playfully.

“Kind of,” I was still wrapped in my own thought.

“What do you mean that?” she persisted under the breath.

“I will leave—” I spoke out my thought.

“Wh—” a startled hoot pulled me back, and I realized what I did say. But it was too late. My hands had been locked in her grip, so tight as if she cared about me like a lost sister. “Where are you going? You never mention it to me.”

I really want to tell her that was still a plan, but Horyeero’s deliberated scream perfectly burned bridge. I felt several glances flying around. A sheer of sweat oozed over my forehead.

“A Gap year for art training,” I lied, thoughts flipping through mind. “I’ve planned it for years. But details hasn’t come.”

“Can’t you training here?” Horyeero persuaded, but her tone sounding half-hearted.

I swayed my head. “Take a look around world is lame, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you tell me!” Horyeero blinked, trying hard to cover her thrill with faked disappointment in her tone. “When do you leave? Oh, by the way, you can take someone with you after all traveling alone is kind of dangerous. Did you hear the recent news about kidnap…” while she said, she cast an eye toward Garlo.

My lips twisted. Her trick had no creative yet. For one moment, an evil idea to poke fun at her built itself rapidly.

As she persuaded again, I colored more considering look on my expression and said. “Maybe you’re right. It’s kind of boring for traveling alone. Perhaps I shall ask Shawl whether he is interested in gap year.”

My words successfully made her feet tangled under her. She whirled, too violently almost yanked the girl behind her. “Shawl? You kidding me!”

I watched the reluctant smile on her face, really wanted to laugh. “Yap, he can drive, joke, and cook, much of all-purposed company at home and aboard.”

A hint of jealousy twisted her look. “Yeah, he’s one. But there are so many burden on his shoulder. As I fear, his time is very tight.” She said as we fought against crowd forward.

Yeah, your dating time was very tight. I added inside.

“That’s why he needs a break.” I teased.

“Trouble! There are still plenty of other choices..” she was playing a high voice, but down at this end of the hall her sound could scarcely be heard above the roar of the bustling, the clangor of  gadgets and low curses of stream of people against each other.

Suddenly a gush of wind broke in, swirling the hairs around the faces. Scream filled in the conversation at once. But weird was that it sounded like from the distance. As if the wind was wiping them away from my ears. I flung my eyes around feverishly. Everyone started to be blurred. The grip around mine was suddenly broke apart. I turned around, and got the moment that Horyeero lurched sideway into the person beside. There was an ominous sense flashing across my mind. I had merely reacted when a stab of silence probed into my head, giving me a spasm of faint. It was not deadly stillness. If l listened hard, I could discriminate the pent-up mummers under the breath. They were just crooning at the first, and then gathering the strength to sing. My fingers flied up to press to my temples, trying to push those whispers outside. But it was too late. They were there, rooting inside. It was so easy to hear what they were babbling.

“Run—silence is waking up.”

“Get away from my child—” 

“No—no—be mercy, please!”

There were too many voices, men, women, even kids. They were churning together, struggling against each other, as if trying to probe out of my skull. I felt sick. Meanwhile, my heart was swelling up with the sudden panic until it felt too large for my chest, beating with odd jerks.

 “kitty-ear, kitty-ear!”

Shawl’s voice yanked me from my creepy reverie. Garlo was waving his hand back and forth in front of my blank, staring eyes. The abrupt vacancy of whispers sent an automatic shock of tense through my body. I flinched, as if someone had kicked me under the seat.

“What’s wrong?” Garlo squeezed one step forward, studied my face carefully. “You were just frozen, like cursed.”

What was that? Those creepy sounds?

“kitty-ear?” it spent me several seconds to focus on a face, which was almost nose to nose close. Shawl was staring at me. The familiar edge of frustration was even more distinct now in his eyes.  

“Ah…” that was too weird to word out. I thought for a while, but then swayed my head slowly. “Nothing, just morning hypoglycemia.”

Obviously my attempt to convince them was lame. Their considering gaze lingered over me up and down until Horyeero was walked out through the break of the crowd. I didn’t miss the solemn look on her blushed face. She exchanged a flashing eye with Shawl.

“Ok. It’s all right, everybody’s move.” Garlo commanded, driving the group away.

When the flow of people moved, that bizarre episode seemed to be left behind as if there was nothing happening. During the following way, Shawl escorted me by himself, which threw me in the spotlight again. I could feel the dead glare on my back. But compared to that, I was doing more effort to ignore the intensity of his gaze overhead. He was fumed, though the reason was inexplicable, perhaps he didn’t like I lied.

Several bold girls shot their dice, coming to pick up talk. But surprisingly Shawl didn’t deny this time. He threw himself back into the conversation, especially as Horyeero joined in, he was with more animation than before—just a little bit too much. Once I saw Shawl’s eyes locked on me, only for a moment, and then he looked back to somewhere. It was my turn to be depressed.   

I was bored, and wordless, playing absentmindedly with a strand of tassels attached to my bag. I wondered if I was supposed to tell Shawl about my gap-year, but till Phoenix Feather House was looming at the horizon, I had no chance.