Most people think of self-awareness as a personality trait—something you either have or don’t. But the truth is there’s a lot we can do to become more self-aware…
Self-awareness is cultivated through positive habits.
If you can learn to implement them in your own life, self-awareness won’t be far behind.
1. Get curious about your own mind
Self-aware people tend to be curious about their own minds and how they work. They often think about their thoughts and thinking patterns.
Technically, this is called meta-cognition. It means you are aware of the fact that you’re thinking things and able to assess the quality and usefulness of that thinking.
On the other hand, if you have the habit of thinking about your thinking, you’d notice that worry is actually an activity and something you do, however habitual. And as a result, it’s something you can, with practice, not do — or at least not do nearly so much of.
When you’re curious about your thoughts, it’s a lot easier to work with them instead of fighting against them.
2. Ask for feedback (and take it well)
People who are genuinely self-aware have the humility to understand that they can’t always see themselves objectively. And that often the best way to be more objective about yourself is through the lens of other people.
The trick here is that there is no trick:
If you want to see yourself through other people’s eyes you must ask.
What gets in the way of most of us asking for feedback is that we’re afraid of getting bad news.
One of the best ways to improve your self-awareness is to get objective feedback from other people. But in order to do this, you must be willing to tolerate the discomfort of receiving criticism and work to avoid defensiveness at all costs.
3. Observe your emotions without judgment
I’m always surprised at how judgmental people are with themselves, especially for something they have no direct control over — their emotions.
It doesn’t make any sense to pass moral judgment on something you can’t control. This is why in the legal system no one gets sent to prison for feeling really angry; you only get convicted and punished if you act on that feeling in a way that harms others. You can’t control your emotions, only your actions.
The best way to get started with this is to practice labeling your emotions with simple, plain language.
Anytime you feel upset, instead of avoiding the feeling or glossing over it with vague language like “I’m stressed” or “I’m overwhelmed,” try describing how you feel like a child would:
- I’m angry.
- I feel afraid.
- I’m sad.
- I feel guilty.
- I’m lonely.
- I feel proud of myself.
4. Be realistic with your expectations
The trouble with expectations is that we assume they’re doing one job when really they’re doing a very different one.
But most of the time, we’re actually using high expectations as a way to soothe our own anxieties and insecurities.
Expectations are often unconscious defense mechanisms we use to alleviate anxiety.
Not only is this a recipe for chronic stress and disappointment on your part, but it’s also a form of denial. And you can’t be self-aware if you’re living in denial.
Expectations have their place. But they very easily run wild and start impairing your self-awareness if you’re not careful.
If you want to be more self-aware, get in the habit of checking in on your expectations and making sure they aren’t too far outside of reality.
