February 16, 2019.

I want to tell you some stories.

The first story.

A teacher once said that When he had finished his meal, He would reach for the napkin holder，Then her husband would take a piece of paper from the napkin holder and hand it to him。He said it with pride and said He is a person who needs to be taken care of by others。From that observation, I realized that he recognized himself as Someone who needs to be taken care of by others.With such identification, it will affect his behavior, for example, He may unconsciously rely on others to do something that he can do.He may often neglect his own ability to act.He might take other people's efforts for granted。

The second story

I have a little niece, One time I thought he was scared, and then he started screaming。After a while, He said，He is a man who likes to shout, make a fuss and make a noise。With such self-identity, He became more and more like to scream 。

A book,Switch

I once read a book called Switch and There is a chapter called grow your people。In the book the author mentions two patterns of behavior，The first model is called Consequence model，The other is called the identity model。If someone can help people create a new identity, then this new identity will help people produce the corresponding behavior。There is an example in the book，Some staff led local residents to accept government advertising on their walls。Some time later, when the same staff came again, They've become more aggressive，They asked to dig a big hole in the home of local residents and install Huge billboards 。These residents agreed, because they have identified with their new identity, that is, good citizens who are enthusiastic about public welfare。It made me realize Self-identity has a great influence on people's behavior。

2019-01-22

深处烂的关系之中，得到负面的评价，内化了负面的评价，认同了负面的评价，变成了别人评价的的那个样子，按照内化了的认同去做事。真的强化了那种“认同”。

所以，看见自己的投射，看到内化的自我认同，看到那些负面的自我认同对行为的影响。这让我想到了瞬变中的 the identity model.