I almost exploded in last night's class discussion, a hypothetical dilemma on medical ethics. If there can only be one saved, a 6 year old boy and a 68 year old man, who happened to be a great scientist, what would you do?

The political correct answer is to save the boy because he has more potential. God, the utilitarian ethics is the very basis for a scientist or an entrepreneur has higher value than a bum. Does it make any difference if the criteria is who can live longer or make more contribution to the world in his life?

My answer is that if the old man voluntarily gives the chance to the boy, his will is respected. Otherwise the doctor should roll a dice.

It might only be my personal lament, nowadays the relationships of any blood related or non-blood related or social entities are based on benefits, pretty civilized if it's mutual benefits. People are valued by their [monetary] values, smartness, better education, usefulness, or more charitable goals. It is hard to deal with intangibles, so convert it all to tangibles. I am employable because I'm more skilled to contribute to the company revenue. I'm lovable because of pleasure giving, emotionally accepting and house keeping abilities. It's worse for men, all they were asked to prove is superiority in possessions and be relied on.

If I go on to criticize these views --- most efficient ways to run the societies, I feel inevitably shaky of my secular core with nowhere to escape, like a person treasures all life, others' and mine, declaring this world is beautiful but not good enough for us. The Eastern society I grew up in and the modern Western society I immigrated to, I almost have the best of both, why so much complaints, what's wrong to be a good citizen, wise or unwise?

In my heart, for the last 200 years no one Chinese writer can even come close to the place of 曹雪芹, who connected to two thousand years ago spiritually and dare to diverge from the great mainstream "Confucius civilization". He rarely had any followers and probably unheard of by westerners. Even if Christ revisit this world and preach again, if I understand his message and this world right, big "if"s, I suspect he wouldn't be as attractive as some Scientology icon.

I don't know what the "other" world does to me to make me frustrated in "this" world. I know you are in deep concerns with the collapsing of the business usual and busy. But this world will go on as usual, even the Great Depression was recovered after all. All in all probably proves that thinking like me is wrong, physical reality is more important indeed. It's impulsive to put down my doubts in this email. It's just me, not having value in mind that much, potentially wasting your valuable time too. If so, I apologize.