推荐指数：★★★★
华尔街日报有个统计：93%的公司认为，有三个来自自由技艺的技能，比任何本科专业都重要。这三个技能是批判性思维、交流和解决问题的能力。今天这本书主要谈的是大家都会的“沟通、交流”，其实这是一种被我们忽视的能力。
很奇怪这本书的翻译，中文竟然成了《人性的弱点》。我读的是英文，很久之前读的，今天翻过去的笔记本，重新看了一遍当时的记录。感觉仍然受益匪浅。仔细想想，这些弱点几乎全部仍然在今天我自己的身上，一个都没有改掉。顿时一头冷汗。重新手打一遍，再次提醒自己。
这是一本关于沟通、人际关系、及如何影响别人的书，书中很多方法或技巧都是大家熟知的，但有系统的兼有实例的出一本书，绝对是是值得推荐的。其实沟通无所谓“技巧”，但一些基本的原理Principle需要掌握。下面的每一条看起来容易理解，可难的是在理论的基础上进行生活中的实践。
与君共勉。
一、Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain
批评和抱怨不但不会改变事实，反遭人怨恨。对于别人，千万不吝你的夸奖和赞美别人。哪怕你对一个人有再多的不满，也不要当众批评。当众有针对性的具体表扬，单独讲求方法的批评，这是之前我和老婆讨论的为人处世之道。
更何况每个人的身上都有优点，只不过有的人的优点没有那么明显。
Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I lean of him. ——Emerson
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
二、Six Ways To Make People Like You
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Always make the other person/people feel important.
6. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.
三、THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Buddha said, "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love." A misunderstanding is never ended by by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint."
Distrust your first instinctive impression.
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them. 现实生活中的大部分人生怕别人不知道我比你强的，总是爱出风头，各种显摆。其实，越是这样的人，反而越是没有什么太大的真才实学。面子是个屁，对你没有用，还会熏到别人。闷声发大财就是这个道理。
One thing only I know, and that is I know nothing. —— Socrates
Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other person) is an evalation or judgement rather than an understanding of it. 标准的做事方法，亚里斯多德早在千年之前就给出了标准流程： 1）确认事实；2）分析事实；3）决定并且行动
如果出现Argument，不要急于争辩说出你的观点，而是应该说，"I maybe wrong, let's examine the facts." 也就是上述的第一步。
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding, you get more than you expected. ——old proverb
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
有分歧时或发现他人错误时，不要直接指出，而是要通过逻辑问一些“是否问题”，从而得到肯定的Yes答案。
If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friend excel you.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to put yourself in his place. Say: "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes."
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
以下是一些试用的例句，表示你从对方的角度出发，而不是只考虑自己。
"I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do."
需要背诵的解决conflict的金句，真的可以用在生活和工作中：
"Rick, I know your hotel is quite busy and you would like to keep the escalator shutdown time to minimum. I understand your concern about this, and we want to do everything possible to accommadate you. However, our diagnosis of the situation shows that if we do not do a complete job now, your escalator may suffer more serious damage and that would cause a much longer shutdown. I know you would not want to inconvience your guests for several days."
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
记住一点：Nothing will work in all cases and nothing will work with all people.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.
四、THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT - Be A Leader to change your people's attitudes and behavior
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
I have no right to say or do anything that deminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hunting a man in his dignity is a crime.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
赞美表扬人也是有门道的，不要空泛，而要结合具体/细节。比如你夸一个美女，说“你的淡红唇彩很配你的皮肤和今天的衣服，真漂亮”肯定比单纯的“你今天很漂亮”要让她受用的多。范范的夸，人家只当你是客套话；而有细节的夸，别人才能体会到你是真心的这么认为。
Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere.
另外，书中还提到尤其对付熊孩子的一个技巧：着重夸奖他们的优点（即便刚开始可能比较难找），尽量少批评缺点。这样他就会变得越来越好。这个理论有点像是正确对待“丑闻”“冤枉”“水军”的方法，置之不理也许是最好的方式。你越反击，事情就越热闹，传播的也就越广。
When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
The way to develop self-confidence, is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.
细心的读者看完上面四个部分数十个条目，有的互相重复，但与人打交道本就该万变不离其宗，方法论就是那些，全看我们如何使用。无论怎样，这些都是铁律，需要铭记于心时时提醒自己的。
（备注：1. 书中的英文为原文，中文为我的阅读批注； 2. 本文陆续更新中……）
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