我总结了大家在作文中普遍出现的8类问题。建议大家都通读一遍这8类问题。

同时对应的字母和数字查找自己作文中的问题。比如如果自己的作文有O2的提示，就是文章写的有点凌乱，缺少特别清晰的思路，可能是因为写之前没有很好的规划。

查找顺序：
(1)A for Attention; (2)i for Introduction; (3)B for Body Paragraph;
(4)E for Example; (5)O for Organization; (6)C for Conclusion;
(7)G for Grammar; (8)W for Word and Phrase.

A. Attention 请注意

1. I strongly doubt if you put any real effort into writing this essay. I hope you could make it much better. Aristotle once said, “We are what we repeatedly do.”
   （应该完全没有在认真对待这篇文章。你应该可以写出远远好过这篇的文章。）

2. I think you made a bad decision and just copied stuff on the Internet.
   （应该是在抄袭网上范文。这么做对提高写作效果不大。如果你没有思路，可以先用汉语写出来，再进行翻译。）

i. Introduction Paragraph 开头段

1. The opening sentence is a little commonplace, and could be more creative and impressive. You don’t get the second chance to make the first impression.
   (开头第一句有点平淡，无法展示才华震撼读者。第一印象很重要。)
   e.g. Nowadays there are a lot of temptation in our daily lives.
   (A slightly better version by me :)
   “I can resist anything except temptation,” Oscar Wilde once observed. It may be safe to say that human beings are not good at resisting temptation, especially in recent years with the Internet as an ultimate temptation that is hard to avoid. However, it is also safe to say that many good habits result from temptation.

2. The opening sentence feels quite mechanical, and feels like a model essay online.
   (开头句读起来比较生硬，太像网上流传的范文。)
   e.g. With the development of economy and technology, people now have to face a lot of temptation.

3. There is no thesis statement.
   (缺少主旨句。)

4. Digress! The thesis statement doesn’t meet the requirement of the essay.
   (跑题，写的主旨句不符合题目要求。相当危险，需要在写草稿阶段及时制止自己。）

5. The thesis statement is vague, and it could be more clear and specific.
   (主旨句太模糊，应该更清晰)
   e.g. Therefore, it is necessary to form good habits.
   (Comment: 主题句缺少了temptation这一重点内容。可以写成 It is necessary to resist the temptation if we want to develop good lifestyle habits.）

6. The thesis statement is too specific, and could be more general.
   (主旨句太过具体，导致话题太窄，有可能给自己挖坑。主旨句应该更宽泛一些，这样中间段选取例子的范围更灵活，更好写一些。)

7. The introduction paragraph is too short to impress the reader.
   (开头段过短。应该有一句在语法和词汇方面比较复杂的亮点句，去展示自己的语言能力。不一定是开篇第一句，参考i1的例子，第二句用了一个较复杂的with结构，里面还有定语从句。）

8. The introduction paragraph is too long, leaving less space for the body paragraph.
   （开头段过长，使3段议论文有点不协调，可以参考”凤头猪肚豹“的比喻。）

B. Body Paragraph 中间段

1. There is no topic sentence to lead and introduce each supporting example. You’d better not start with “for example”.
   (第二段不要以For example开头，先有中心句，告诉读者你用什么类型的例子支持第一段的主旨句，然后再举例子。)

2. The topic sentence is too vague, and could be more specific.
   (中心句太模糊，更清楚的告诉读者你的支撑论点是什么，如何支撑主旨句。)

3. The topic sentence is too much like the thesis statement. The topic sentence in 2nd paragraph should be a supporting point for the thesis statement, instead of being a reworded thesis statement, which should be for the summary in the conclusion.
   (第二段两个支撑点的中心句，不是主旨句的重写，而是主旨句的两个分论点。结论段里的总结句，才是主旨句的重写。）

4. The body paragraph is too short. You should write at least 120 words (6 sentences) for the body paragraph.
   (中间段太短，至少需要写6句话，120词）

5. Each sentence is too short and simple. There is not an impressive sentence with advanced grammar and vocabulary.
   (中间段缺少亮点。应该至少有一个较长的，20词以上的句子，包含从句以及较为复杂的词汇。）

6. The argument is not logical enough.
   （论证有些缺乏逻辑。）

E. Example 例证

1. This example does not support your thesis.
   (这个例子不是很能证明文章的主旨）

2. The example is not linked to the topic sentence very adequately. You should say how exactly your example can prove your argument.
   (没有解释清楚例子是如何与中心句相关联的。应该非常明确的说清楚你的例子是如何证明你的论点的。）
   e.g.
   Firstly, every day we need to relax our body and recover our energy by sleeping. However, there are many interesting entertainment activities, such as computer games, social network websites, online shopping and so on. We need to control ourselves to get good sleep then have energy the next day. Secondly, eating habits…
   (Comment: 可以改成 We need to control ourselves to resist all the temptation of these attractive entertainment every night, so that we can sleep early and be energetic the next day. 这样才会清楚的说明抵抗诱惑的作用。)

3、 The example might be too oversimplified, even for a essay of CET 4 and 6. You could write with more interesting details.
（即便是以英语四六级考试作文的标准，这个例子也似乎太过表面化了。可以写的更具体，更多一些细节。）

O. Organization (Being Coherent and Cohesive ) 结构，组织，衔接

1. The transition is too abrupt. There is a lack of coherence or proper transitional phrases.
   （转折的太突然，前后两句看不出来有明显的关联。缺乏意义上的连贯，或者是缺乏适当的过渡短语。）

2. The essay is a little messy, maybe because you didn’t do the brainstorming well enough, or didn’t brainstorm on the draft at all, which I advise against constantly in our class.
   (整篇文章有点凌乱，可能在打草稿阶段没有想清楚文章的结构，没有想起初自己到底要写什么。也可能完全跳过了草稿，直接在答题纸上写。我上课反复希望大家不要这样。）

C. Conclusion Paragraph 结尾段

1. The summary of the restatement in the conclusion paragraph should be a little bit different from the thesis statement. There should not be two sentences that are totally identical.
   (虽然说结尾段需要有一句主旨句重写，但也应该稍微变化下。一篇文章里最后不要有一模一样的两句话。)

2. The last sentence of your essay should be fairly impressive, because it may be the last sentence before the grader decides your grade.
   (文章的最后一句也应该有些亮点，无论是在内容上还是在语言上，因为它可能是评分人给出分数钱看的最后一句话。）

G. Grammar 语法

1. The sentence lacks the subject or the verb.
   (句子缺少主语或者谓语部分。仔细分析下这句的主谓宾成分）
   e.g. Many students can’t overcome temptation and leads them to sleep very late.
   (Analysis: lead 的主语是？可以改成 Many students can’t overcome temptation, and this leads them to sleep very late. 或者 Many students can’t overcome temptation, which leads them to sleep very late.）

2. Verbs are not used correctly.
   (动词部分有语法错误，是不是最基本的单三或者时态有误？看是否应该变换成不定式，ing，或者加上一个从句）
   e.g The habits that get up early and concentrate on the work us very necessary for us.
   (Analysis: get, concentrate和habits的关系是？可以改成 It is necessary for us college students to cultivate the habits such as getting up early and concentrating.)

3. The word sequence is not grammatically correct.
   (词汇的语序不合乎语法规则。再复习下疑问句，从句，倒装句的语序问题。)

4. Run-on sentences. There should be some conjunctions.
   （冗长句，应该使用连词把句子合理地结合在一起。再复习下三种基本句子类型：简单句，复合句，复杂句。）

5. As far as this essay is concerned, you should improve your grammar.
   (仅从这篇文章来判断，应该加强下语法知识。我个人比较推荐《朗文英语语法》，里面语法体系的分类和例句比较合适。)

W. Word and Phrase 词汇

1. The word or the phrase here cannot express what you want to mean. Or the usage of the word or the phrase is problematic.
   (词汇意思不合适，并不能表达出你想表达的意思。或是用法有误，介词，动宾，主谓搭配可能存在问题。请查下词典进行确认。）
   e.g. Students find all kinds of excuses to delay time.
   （比较典型的中式英语，对拖延时间进行直译。可以换成delay doing their assignments。关于delay的具体用法可以查学习型词典进一步了解）

2. Spelling mistake.
   （拼写错误，请查下词典。）

3. The part of speech is chosen wrongly.
   （词性使用错误。尤其是动词、名次、形容词容易出现错误。请复习下九种词性，和他们应该能够充当的语法成分。）

4. Your vocabulary and knowledge about words and phrases should be improved by making the best of the dictionaries that I have recommended.
   （词汇知识需要进一步提高，在背单词表的同时，应该尽可能的多使用我推荐过的那些词典。）